It was one of those crazy days yesterday. The ones where the boys woke earlier than usual because of a bedwetting, Junior J spilt juice during breakfast, and Lil J made the walls his canvas. They took ages for lunch, couldn't stay in their seats and made a huge mess. The baby wasn't napping well in the morning and was cranky. I admit I spent quite a bit of time disciplining them, and I shouted. ALOT. Usually you can tell how bad a day is by the amount of chocolate being consumed, and for yesterday, I seemed to be opening the fridge every hour.
I was feeling extremely lousy by 2 pm. I was frustrated with the boys, frustrated with myself for losing it so often, stressed that I still had to cook dinner and get it in the oven so that it had time to bake for a couple of hours.
Then I saw my mum (who had popped by to help) wiping the crayon marks on the wall with a wet cloth. And I saw some of the marks disappear. I was reminded about how we were given new days: days where we could try again, where we could start better, where we could make wrongs right. It was a reminder of grace, how sometimes we mess up, but our messes can be wiped clean by a God that loves us. And it was also a lesson to let these little things go: the scribbles on the wall, the spilt juice, the whole toy tornado that no one wants to pick up. Because these things don't really matter in the bigger scheme of things.
So I am thankful. For second chances, for new days with new mercies, for my God who never fails.
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I love this post. You're right, more often that not, we flip....and then we reflect... and then the regret comes in. A lot of times, the things the children do get us so uptight when it's just really child expression when you look at it later. :( It's not easy handling three kids for sure, and I am sure this is all but a test of our faith and patience. You're doing great justina!
ReplyDeleteI often feel bad when I yell at my son. But I learned that no matter how "fierce" I was to him, he will still come looking for "mommy"...I would feel bad thinking that he is giving more unconditional love than me. But you are right, there is always a brand new day to make things right. I often tell myself, it is another chance for me to make things right today. Thanks for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI lose it a lot too, and yell a lot, every day most probably. So I can totally empathise with you. 'Toy tornado' is such an apt description. Just this morning, we were in a rush to head out to the childcare centre and office. I looked at the toys and stationery strewn all over the floor, turned my back to them to head out of the door, and told myself that it is so terrible that we live in a pig sty every day and I am not better at cleaning the house and keeping it clean. Reading this post reminds me that we mommies beat ourselves up too much too often. Gotta depend on God and cut ourselves some slack. Hugs!
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