April showers, and the month that's passed

April has zoomed by for us, with it's swelteringly hot weather peppered with thunderstorms. It has been one really busy month for us, with our home renovations in full swing ever since we received the keys to the place earlier in the month. 

This feeling of being crazy busy didn't sit too well with us. We were running many errands, trying to check out showers and faucets and tiles, debating on paint colours and layouts and materials. We spent many evenings dashing out to settle some reno matter, then rushing back to feed the kids. I was staying up late to draw and redraw out plans for our kitchen and other parts of the house, and felt like I was almost running on empty.

I am thankful that this really busy period is slowly drawing to a close. I'm starting to catch a little more sleep, and it is gratifying to know that our hard work goes towards building our home where the kids would grow up in (no more moving for me, thank.you.very.much.). On the bright side, me and hubby had more "couple time" together (never mind the little lightbulb), exploring various far-flung areas of Singapore which we would not have visited if not for those errands we had to run.

It has been exciting seeing the home come together, bit by bit, from seeing the tiles being pieced together on the floors and walls, to all the other pieces being delivered from there and there. I've been getting so many questions about our contractor and renovation details, and I really wish I could blog about it... but that will have to wait until slightly later (meanwhile you can track our progress here).

Family time took a hit because of the renovations. We did try to involve the kids as much as possible, and they have been paying occasional visits to the house to explore and feed the fish in the pond. However, it was just such a big challenge bringing four kiddos out on errands (not to mention it took triple the time to do anything!) that we relied heavily on my parents to help babysit when we made our mad dashes out. They are really excited about the move though. 

I am still struggling to find a rhythm that works for us in this current season. It has been hard just getting meals on the table on time, while trying to care for a baby. The toddler is still in the phase of fighting sleep, and takes ages to go down for his afternoon nap. Yet he still needs his nap or his sleep at night is affected, so we're still trying to figure this bit out. 

Yet, amidst these challenges, we've still stuck to certain routines, and these moments of family and togetherness are the things I treasure and cling to these days. The boys have taken to re-enacting scenes from nature documentaries that they have been watching at my parents' place, pretending to be dung beetles and rolling up blankets as dung and carrying them all over the house (much to my amusement!). They are starting to enjoy playing board games together. They fight all the time, but they forgive and forget easily. 

And they grow so so fast. Just last week, I had to change their worn out Crocs, and both the older two needed one size up. Taking those new footwear out made me realize how fleeting these growing up years are, and how we need to treasure these little moments.

And speaking of little, the baby of the family is now three months old. She's had to stay home most days as there were some issues with her recent blood test results. I tend to panic a little whenever someone sneezes or coughs near her, but we're praying she'll get better. Meanwhile, she's been growing well. She's learnt how to flip, and is one chatty little girl! 

I am enjoying and drinking in this baby stage in big, grateful gulps. Everything is simple in this stage: there are no tantrums or meltdowns, no emotional or disciplinary minefields to navigate, just cries to communicate. There's a lot of coo-ing and smiles and finger-holding, and I am so grateful for these times. 

May is looking to be slightly quieter, but we'll be busy packing and decluttering for the move in June. (Side point: I've teamed up with a few friends to sell some of the stuff we're decluttering, and you can browse them here.) I am trying to take it one day at a time, but I am thankful for the new month!

So how do you do it all?

I have been getting this question rather frequently these days. "How do you do it?" I am asked. "How do you settle your renovation, homeschool, tend to a newborn, care for three other kids, do the housework, while not having a maid?"  Many a times, I wonder if the person is waiting for me to share some secret tip to doing it all, or waiting for me to reassure them that it isn't possible, and that life is a mess right now.

Whatever the case, the truth is that I have no answer to that question.

There is no secret tip to doing it all. I've learnt that you can't have it all. You can't have three kids and a newborn, homeschool, and renovate a house while keeping your own home spick and span, especially if your cleaning lady has to leave Singapore for home for three weeks. You can't care for a newborn and do pin-worthy learning activities while ensuring that the meals get cooked. You can't clear out the study for an impending visit, pack to move, plan your new kitchen, while writing regular blog posts. Something has to give. Life isn't a non-stop series of Instagram-worthy moments, and most of what isn't captured isn't pretty.

Which is why, yes, I can reassure you it isn't possible to do it all, and yes, life is quite a mess right now. I am so tired from staying up late to pack, to settle chores, to work out our renovation details. Yet while we try to get as much done as possible, there are always more things to be tackled, more messes to be cleaned up.

As I write this, the floor is littered with a confetti of cut paper that the toddler has spilt after a snowflake cutting activity that the older two have been doing. I still need to clear out the study, and it is a huge mess of half-packed boxes. The laundry is running, because the toddler has taken to peeing on the bed once in a while. The house is filthy, because I've no time or energy to vacuum, and our regular cleaning lady is away (so I've resorted to calling an alternative cleaner, thanks to a friend's recommendation). The home is a far cry from looking like this. The baby will wake up soon to nurse. Our dryer is spoilt and we have loaned my mum's one for the moment until we move, and it is now chugging along inside the study room (because there was no place else for it). We've not done much school these days, save for spelling and reading. And I am very very tired.

So yes, I am not doing it all, and I don't intend to. After all, I am human, not some robot that doesn't need to sleep. But whatever the case, this period of craziness has taught me some lessons:

:: Just do the next thing. As always. Because the only way to go is through.

:: Eliminate to concentrate. Because we can only do so much, and we need to stay focused.

:: We must fight, to choose joy. Because everyday can be a battle, but we can fight to count our blessings.

:: God enables when you are unable. Because we are treasures in jars of clay, and He patches us up with gold when we crack under pressure.

:: Our thorns are what keep us pinned close to God:

"The weaknesses, failures, and sins of our family are the places where we learn that we need grace too. It is there, in those dark mercies, that God teaches us to be humbly dependent. It is there that He draws near to us and sweetly reveals His grace. Paul's suffering teaches us to reinterpret our thorn. Instead of seeing it as a curse, we are to see it as the very thing that keeps us "pinned close to the Lord." 

- Elyse M Fitzpatrick

These days have been days of tears, of exhaustion, but these have been days of witnessing God's grace over and over again. 

Thankful Tuesday: Living in the "in-between"

I've been living in a state of "in-between" these days. It's an uncomfortable state, one where you feel like you are waiting, with baited breath, for something to happen, for things to get better.

It's how the boxes of various things purchased for the new home pile up around the house, as we wait the legal matters to be sorted, and the keys to be handed over. It's how I literally suck in my breath, and hold in the abdominal muscles, when I put the baby in the carrier to gain back the use of my hands, even though I've read that babywearing may make my diastasis recti worse. It's how we pat and rock the baby, knowing that it gets better in a few months. It's how I sit by the toddler who tosses and turns and talks and does everything but nap, knowing that he is is teetering on the edge of the parenting crazy cliff called "I need a nap", and wondering when he will finally reach the stage where he will truly not need one. It is how I feel, clogged and congested, with my second bug in a row, wondering when I will ever stop coughing.

I don't do transitions well. So I struggle with these "in-betweens", always hoping for things to settle down. But I am reminded that change is our only constant... and that a Christian's life is always in that state of "in-between", as we wait here on earth for Christ to come again. And this stage of being stuck means there is something to look forward to: moving to our new home, not having to rush home for the afternoon nap (until the youngest starts being unable to nap on the go), recovering and feeling better, the delightful months of cooing and gurgling that follow the initial demands of the newborn stage. (Oh how fast they grow, especially in the first two years!) And of course, ultimately, our home in heaven.

So I keep praying, and thinking of the things that are to come. The "in-betweens" start feeling a little less like hindrances, but more like building blocks of anticipation and hope. Meanwhile, I look around me and see so many blessings: these four little children, who are learning to care and love each other, the hubby, who has stepped up so much, our parents, who tirelessly help out and shower so much love on the kids, my friends, who help in practical ways and send prayers when I need them most. And I am so thankful.

What do you line your nest with?

Children are burdens.

"They cost a lot to bring up. They leave you with almost no time to yourself, and you don't get much of a life, unless you are able to get help to watch them. Don't have more than one or two kids, since they'll suck you dry. How do you think you're going to cope with four and homeschool? Much better to just pack them off to school."

I have been struggling through the week. As I stumbled through each day, with sick me and sick kids who pick at their food, with juggling sorting out house buy/sell matters and having bankers over to sign this or that, with homeschooling distracted little boys and wrestling with chores, with power struggles of a strong-willed child... these little voices, ingrained in my head by well-intentioned friends and family, kept nagging at me.

I have been losing my temper a lot this week. There are so many messes, messes that no one bothers to pick up except me, the one who can't bend over because I am 36 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy hormones are raging, the children keep fighting over tiny things and refuse to give in. The nagging little voices continue in my head.

And yesterday, after another power struggle with a strong-willed child, I snapped. I wondered if those voices were right. Why do I even bother?

I texted a friend to pray for me. I paused to think about the past two weeks. Weeks that have been exhausting, because we've been settling house matters, while caring for sick kids that keep us up at night. Weeks that have seen more than their usual share of messes, because of kids throwing up. Weeks that have forced us to our knees to pray because so many things are beyond our control.

Then I happened to read about drudgery:

"But the messes and the crying children and the electricity problems are just the individual puzzle pieces... When I step back, I see that the cooking and the homework and the messes are part of the much more glorious picture of what God is doing in our family." 


And I was reminded about a post I read about mother ducks lining their nests with feathers, plucked from themselves. Not leftover feathers that have been shed, not scavenged materials from the ground. But feathers, pulled from their own bodies.

"But it’s those words that mesmerize me: “Mother ducks pick feathers from their chests, to line their nests.” 

I lay my hand on the page, on a duck breast puffed, mother plunging beak in deep, and I say it out loud: “How else did you think nests were lined?” 

 With leftovers. 

That’s what I thought. 

With feathers discarded, the molted, the not-so-necessary feathers. I thought mother ducks picked feathers up from what was laying about, scraps, lining nests with what simply could be mustered after the fact. 

But no. No, a mother duck plucks each feather out from the heart of her bosom. She lines the nest with bits of herself — the best of herself."


And I realized that I really needed to pray. To guard my heart against bitterness and resentment. To find joy in the journey, to enjoy the littleness and messiness of my children, to find meaning in staying home and caring for the kids. Some days are harder than others, and our work is never finished, but God's grace never runs dry.

This screwtape letter came at such an apt moment (I shared it on the FB page and I know many of you identified!):

"Along those lines, be sure the Mother starts to value productivity above everything else. Have her wake up early and work non-stop until bedtime. If the husband relaxes in the evening with an hour of computer gaming, be sure the wife notices the pile of unfolded laundry or unswept floors. Do not let her grab a book and relax alongside her husband. Diligence, often one of the Enemy’s virtues, when overdone can be used to our advantage as well. Convince her that as long as there is a shred of work to be done (and there always is), no one should be resting. Then, as she folds and sweeps and he sits, you can introduce the sweet bitterness of resentment. 

... Now, onto the children. Lovely little opportunities for us, the children, especially the little ones. We all know that children are a favorite tool of the Enemy. He calls them Blessings and Gifts and calls parents to lay down their lives for them, just as his Son did. Insane, I know. We must convince her that the obnoxious little people she has charge of are not really worth her sacrifice. When the Mother first dreamed of having children, she probably imagined large, innocent eyes and chubby, happy grins taking up the majority of her days. 

Do your best to shatter those expectations. Instead, draw attention to how much they take from her. Let them take and take and take… And need and need and need, until the Mother feels totally spent. Let them start crying at the same time for the most irrational of reasons. Let the noise bother her. Let their bad behavior surprise her. Do your best to make the day-to-day monotony of diaper changes, meals, and baths seem simultaneously overwhelming and beneath her. Let her think of all the better, more important things she could be doing with her life, if only she didn’t have the children."


Reading this whole letter helped to silence those little voices in my head. It helped me to focus beyond our current struggles and our present messes, and reminded me that motherhood is a sacrifice that is worth making.

So I'm back to doing the next thing, and trying to focus on the things that really matter. And praying that I can joyfully line our nest with more of me, because that is what mother ducks are made to do.

Thankful Tuesday: The year that was 2015

I realize I've been blogging yearly reviews for the past few years (you can hop over to our reviews for 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011), and my heart always feels so full looking back at the year that has passed. They say the days are long but the years are short, and it really holds true, especially when you have littles to care for. Everyday tends to pass by in a blur, and there is often the feeling that you didn't get much done in a day, save to wash grimy little hands, mete out punishments, and yell alot. However, when you look through an entire year, you do find that each year is actually so so full. Full of memories, sweet and bitter moments, and lessons learnt. 

2015 was a year of learning to care for three little boys, and one more little girl on the way...

It was a year of exploring the world together, from Tioman and Legoland, to Taiwan, to our local heritage playgrounds for our playground project. 

It was a year of learning to prune. A year I learnt to concentrate on what matters, when life gets dizzying and distracting. This was the year I learnt how much I've gained from staying home with the kids. It was the year I learnt how to better understand my very strong-willed child.

This was the year where we had no babies in the family, where the littlest turned two, Junior J turned six, and Lil J turned four. 

It was a year of a fair bit of making. We had many art adventures and learnt to paint. We made lots of Perler bead creations to raise funds during the homeschool craft fair, and for the SPCA too. 

This year saw us decluttering and decorating the home, and we were blessed to have collaborated with IKEA to do up the living, dining and kitchen areas a little more. 

God has been really faithful, and I give thanks for His never-ending mercies and love. I am so thankful for what has been given to me, my little family, the hubby who is always so patient, our family and friends who are always ready to lend a helping hand, this comfortable little place that we call home. 

I am also thankful for this blog, because it enables me to look back on the year that is past, as well as all you readers for all your comments, support and encouragement. Thank you for always coming back to visit this blog! 

Here's looking forward to 2016, and have a blessed new year ahead! 

To the baby of the family, who turns two

Dearest Baby J,

You arrived, just three days before Mama's birthday. You, looking tiny next to your older brothers. You, the one who learnt to sleep through the chaos of two little boys always poking you, or creating a ruckus around you. I cannot believe the baby of our family is now two, and you always remind me "I'm not a baby, I'm a toddler". But for now, I'm still calling you "baby", since you are still the baby of the family, at least for a little while more. And you'll always be the baby boy of the family. 

I've always marveled at how wonderfully you got along with your biggest brother. Both of you have a special bond, and he's always been extra patient and loving when it comes to you. These days, you still fight a fair bit with your second brother, but you are playing a lot more with him too. Hearing the conversations between the two of you always makes me smile!

You're probably the only extrovert in this family of introverts. You love being in the thick of things, and love hanging out with your brothers. Being the youngest, you know how to turn on the charm, and you're generally a smiley, sunshiny little boy, unless you're having one of those whiny days. 

You want to do everything that your brothers do. You try to climb like them, scoot like them, and even want to play the violin. So much so that your grandparents got you a tiny second-hand violin, so that you would stop bothering your brother when he practices his cello. 

The terrible twos have hit, and hard. The days have been filled with tantrums. You've started sneaking off to play with water in the bathroom, and insisting on soaking in the tub every other hour. You play hard, and fight hard. You've been pinching and scratching, and then you would try to get out of trouble by asking the victim "are you alright?". But tantrums aside, you have this sense of humour and love making us laugh with the funny things you say:

You: Where does Papa work?

Mama: He works in the hospital. 

You: No... He works in the watermelon, so I cannot eat up the watermelon!

~~~

You: Watermelon, watermelon, what do you see?

I see a J3 boy, want to eat me! 

~~~

You are just crazy about watermelon, and call yourself the watermelon boy. You also love pandas, and your brothers are always very excited when they spot a picture of a panda, and would point it out to you. They also help you to make a baby carrier out of your singlet for your baby panda, whom you call "Bamboo baby", so that the Mama panda can carry him. The thing is, you call the Mama panda "Bamboo boy", which makes me smile!

You are still a much better eater than your brothers, and love trying everything on our plates. You love chomping on fishballs, and you look a little like a fishball yourself. You go crazy when there's chocolate cake, jelly or seaweed snacks, and are always bugging me for "nack nack" (snacks). 

I feel a little sense of loss that my last little baby boy is growing up so fast. But we thank God for the little ray of sunshine that is you. Happy birthday, my little watermelon boy! 

Thankful Tuesday: Our SPCA fund-raising project

I think it all started with the Children's Craft Fair. Junior J had made and sold Perler bead magnets at the fair earlier this year, and after that we had this idea that we could continue making crafts to sell for charity. 

I had a chat with Junior J to see if he was keen on making more magnets and selling them, and he said yes! So I gave him a choice on which organization he would like to support, and he decided that he wanted to raise funds for the SPCA (he really loves animals). I contacted them, and after sorting out the admin, he got down to making samples, which we posted up on the blog FB page. 

He had decided to make similar magnets to those he had made for the craft fair: fruits, as well as My Little Ponies. From past experience, most pony templates were huge, and required a lot of time to make, so I took our favourite Rainbow Dash template and modified it to make Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie as well as Twilight Sparkle. (A random side point: I learnt a fair bit during this project. Before this, I was clueless about My Little Ponies, all I knew was that they had colourful hair! I had to google for their names and pictures, so that I could make the other pony samples. I guess that comes from having only boys in the family!) 

We received quite a fair bit of orders (especially for ponies!), so after awhile I had to decline some, especially those who were requesting for other new designs. I designed an excel file to keep track of orders, while explaining to him how it worked. He helped to key in orders, and would refer to the file while making his magnets. 

Making these took quite a fair bit of time, and Junior J would sometimes lose focus, and would want to run off to play when making the ponies. I didn't want to keep nagging at him to finish all the orders, so we spread them out and he would work on the magnets a little each day. 

Once that was done, we packed the orders. The boy loved referring to the file and compiling the orders (I think it's part of his need for order!), and he liked wrapping the magnets in bubble wrap and securing everything with tape. We did the calculations for the cost the old-fashioned way, using a abacus, so that the boy could work on his Math, and he would double-check his answers to the excel file, and write down the amount on each package. 

Weighing the packages and calculating the postage was quite fun. He didn't really get how to figure out the postage, but I would tell him the postage required, and he had to figure out which combination of stamps would work. He loved pasting the stamps on, and I would help him to address the envelopes (since his handwriting is still very wobbly!). While most folks paid via bank transfer, we would give him cash to keep in an envelope, so that he could physically count the money and check that the total was correct.

We submitted the funds last Thursday, and the boy was delighted to receive a wristband from the folks at the SPCA for his efforts. (He was so shy, he hid behind me and stuck his hand out to give the envelope!) We had brought all the boys down as I thought they could go and see the animals, but the adoption shelter was closed (they are closed on Thursdays), so we'll be going down again one of these days. 

It was a great learning experience for all of us. I learnt how to guide and keep Junior J on track for the project, and learnt how to be more patient, while the boy picked up all sorts of skills along the way. I'm so thankful that we're homeschooling, because we would not have the time for this project otherwise. And a big thank you to all of you, for all your encouragement, support and donations, we couldn't have done it without you!

Thankful Tuesday: Taking care of myself

I think we sometimes neglect ourselves, especially after the arrival of our kids. Raising children takes time, it takes energy, and sometimes it's hard to find time for self-care, especially when you have more than two kids.

It was the case for me. I've always been quite a low-maintenance kind of person. I tend to skimp on skincare, I don't really shop for clothes or bags or accessories, I don't bother with make-up, and I didn't sleep as much as I should. It was even more the case after I stopped working and stayed home to care for the kids: I found it hard to find the time to do anything more than grab quick showers, let alone follow any beauty regime, and there wasn't much reason to shop for clothes when all you wear are shorts and tees the entire day.

Exercise also went out of the window when the kids came along. In general, staying home with littles does force you to be moderately active, since you have to bring them out to the park, and you get a lot of arm strength carrying toddlers. Housework also requires a certain amount of physical activity. However, I found it hard to schedule in any exercise, since I was already feeling so tired from all the interrupted nights, and busy days.

I think my body started protesting after awhile. I suffered bad backaches from the second pregnancy onwards, and they got really bad when I was pregnant with baby J. (I think having mild scoliosis compounded the problem.) The backaches persisted post-birth, since I was carrying him a lot in the carrier while I did chores, attended to the older two, or brought them out for co-ops.

Then my knees started giving way, from all the squatting I was doing while carrying baby J. I used to enjoy running, and would do 5 km runs, but in recent years had to stop because of an old knee injury that would always flare up after running. It got so bad, that some days I would be limping while doing chores, because it was too painful to bend the knees.

When we found out we were expecting number 4, I decided I really had to take care of myself, otherwise I wouldn't be in a good enough shape to take care of the family. The oxygen mask analogy may sound cliche, but it made sense: if I was in pain, that meant I wouldn't be able to do the chores and care for the kids effectively. Being in pain also made my temper shorter, and I was more likely to flare up at the kids.

So I tried getting more sleep. These days, I turn in with the kids at around 10, and try to wake up early. It seems more effective, compared to if I stay up late to do stuff, since I find I tend to get distracted by social media and the phone at night, when everyone is up and on FB. It's been helpful, though these days I've been waking up at unearthly hours and finding it hard to get back to sleep, thanks to all the usual pregnancy symptoms. It does mean that I am unable to blog so much, but well, you really can't have it all! I've also been trying to be more diligent with skincare, since my skin has been drying out with age.

What has really helped, I think, has been getting exercise into my schedule. Junior J attends swim class, and I've been trying to swim when he's at class, while my dad helps to watch the younger two boys as they play in the water. That has been beneficial, however, we've stopped swim classes for more than a month because of the haze.

Swimming aside, I decided to sign up for pilates classes, mainly to strengthen my back and leg muscles, in the hopes that that would help to alleviate, or even prevent any back pain or knee problems during this pregnancy. I've really enjoyed the classes (more about that in an upcoming post!), and I must say the time having dinner alone or with hubby before classes is equally enjoyable! I'm so thankful for my parents, who have been willing to babysit the kids on evenings when I have class, for the in-laws who have taken over for the past two weeks since they are visiting, and for the hubs, who takes over if my parents are not able. I've not been diligent in practising some of the exercises regularly at home, but even those once-a-week sessions have helped. Thus far, though I'm 25 weeks along, and still have to carry Lil J sometimes (you know those strong-willed kids and their tantrums?), my back and knee problems have not been back to haunt me. Yet. We'll see how it goes!

It's taken me four pregnancies to learn this, but I guess it's always better late than never: we as parents really need to take care of ourselves. We must still remember that taking care of littles is demanding, and me-time in many cases is a luxury, but we do have to care for ourselves, in order that we may be in the best possible condition to care for our family.

Thankful Tuesday: Lil J turns 4

Dearest Lil J,

You turn four this week. Four! You've been telling us about all the things you would do when you turn four, like how you would sleep on your own, and how you would learn the violin. One word aptly describes you: intense. You have a fiery temper, you are strong-willed and opinionated, but yet, you can be one of the sweetest little boys on earth at times. You are fiercely independent with regards to many things, and would get angry and frustrated if we do certain things for you that you want to do for yourself. 

You continue to make us laugh with your crazy antics. You now love being read to, and still have very itchy fingers. You find the scissors irresistible, and have cut off parts of your hair three times, and have also cut holes in your brother's bedsheets! Sensory play is a must for you, and you still enjoy playing with your vehicles the most. While you fight with your brothers very often, your brothers miss you when you are not around. You've become a lot better at following instructions when it comes to doing crafts, and these days, you enjoy painting a whole lot more. 

Mealtimes are still quite a challenge for you, and you are the smallest eater of our family. You love variety, you like to try new foods, but you really don't eat much. I'm so glad that the food allergies seem to be less severe these days, though you are still allergic to certain foods. 

Walking along with you as you grow up has been such a roller-coaster ride, and we continue to pray that your strong will can help you to be determined and resilient, but not lead to obstinacy and defiance. It's been such a journey, seeing how each of you grow up to be such different individuals, yet it always warms my heart to see the three of you playing together. 

We love you, Lil J. So so much. Happy Birthday!

Love,

Your Mama and Papa

PS: I've decided to do away with the linky for "Thankful Tuesdays" as it's been challenging keeping up. However, we'll most definitely continue to post thankful posts. A big thank you for those who have been linking up previously, you have been such an encouragement to me. Do continue to count your blessings! 

Thankful Tuesday: First birth

It was a Saturday, and I was up early to pack. We had just hosted some of hubby's relatives, who had stayed with us while their mum underwent some medical procedures. The guest room was supposed to be the baby's new room, but it wasn't ready yet, and baby was due in over a week's time, so I was starting to panic! Chinese New Year was just 2 days away, so there was spring-cleaning to be done, never mind that I was really huge at 38 weeks.

I was throwing stuff out, and shifting things around when I started having a tummy-ache. So off to the toilet I went, but it seemed to be nothing. I went back to packing. The tummy-ache came back. And then went away again. It played peekaboo with me for awhile before my foggy brain decided to register that it might not be a tummy-ache after all. I went to wake the hubs, and we monitored that "tummy-ache". It started getting worse and worse, and I realized I was going into labour. All this while I was thinking "nooo baby, you can't come yet, your room isn't ready, your cot isn't set-up, the whole house is a wreck for Chinese New Year!". Maybe the boy was just making sure he was going to be born in the year of the Rat and not the Ox, but off we went to the hospital, after I stuffed a few more things into my half-packed hospital bag. In the car, I was banging on the dashboard when the contractions came, and the hubby drove as quickly as he dared to the hospital.

We got to the labour ward after sorting out all the paper work, and I got that epidural. We had discussed about this much earlier, and the hubby, being the anesthetist he was, advised me to take it early. Boy was I glad I did, since all the pain went away after that! (The hubs was half thinking of doing it for me, but in the end, we decided against it.) My gynae came by, did a check, and left, since I was only 3 cm dilated. Nothing seemed to be happening, so we watched some shows, chitchatted, and waited. And waited some more. Then a few hours later, the pain started. It was agonizing. But hey wait, wasn't there an epidural? Aren't epidurals supposed to stop all that pain? We upped the dose for the epidural, but the pain persisted. Turns out, the baby was being pushed down, however I was not fully dilated yet, so I was experiencing perineal pain, which in some cases isn't covered by the epidural.

The next one or two hours passed by in a daze, since it was as if I was undergoing labour without the epidural. They gave me gas, but that didn't seem to help, and only made me feel dizzy. The hubby held my hand the entire time, and I think I nearly wretched off his fingers during the contractions. And all this time, I wasn't fully dilated, so I wasn't ready to push the baby out yet.

I was resistant to getting another epidural, since I was under the impression that I would increase my likelihood of getting a Caesarean if I did. I really hoped to have a normal delivery if possible. But after those few hours of mind-numbing contractions, I was so exhausted and tired, that I finally caved in and asked for the epidural. Please, just let me get that baby out soon!

So they gave me the second epidural. And all that pain went away. The relief was so great, and I was so exhausted, that I think I fell asleep for awhile. But I was woken up to be told that it was time to push. It was strange pushing, when I couldn't feel anything from my waist down and could barely hold my legs up... but push I did. And after a few pushes, he was out!

The first thing I did was ask the hubby if he had any hair on his head. And he did, a beautiful, full head of hair. He did look a little like an alien, since his head was a little cone-shaped after being stuck during labour, but when he started crying we saw a deep dimple. Oh, baby! You are finally here.

~~~~~~~

This baby is going to be seven years old come January next year, and is now a big brother to two little brothers. Looking back at how this boy came into our lives really brought back memories, and these past few years really have been a testament of God's grace in our lives. Even while his birth was such a painful one (and I must admit, recovery post-birth was slow and painful too, and extremely tiring from all the guests visiting for CNY), I am so glad we went on to have more kids. I admit I did tell the hubby we had to stop at one after giving birth to Junior J... but I guess mummy amnesia does help! 

Thankfully, Lil J and Baby J's birth stories were alot less eventful and painful, and Lil J birth (which I blogged about here) was actually the fastest (we are not surprised, since this boy is always so impatient for things to get done!). 

Do link up if you anything thankful to share this week!

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This post is part of the ‘Birth Stories’ Blog Train hosted by Owls Well. To read other exciting birth stories, please click on the picture below!

At next week's stop, we will be visiting Vera's blog. Vera is a don't-stay-at-home Mum of two, who loves exploring new places with her kids in tow, cooking up a storm and planning theme parties. During her downtime, she writes at Life is in the Small Things, sharing little adventures, parenting misadventures and everything in between.

Thankful Tuesday: We are more than a vote

My dearest boys,
You have noticed Papa and Mama having a lot more debates in the past two weeks, be it at the table during meals, or during our rides in the car. Sometimes we get rather heated up in these discussions, and you, Junior J, would interrupt us to tell us to "Stop arguing!". We were not really arguing actually, just chatting about politics and the elections that have just passed.

Papa has rather strong views about politics in Singapore, even though he is not a Singaporean citizen. I think one main reason for that would be you, because children tend to make you think longer and further into the future than you normally would. He hopes for you to be able to grow up in a country that is governed justly and fairly, that balances the needs for economic growth and staying globally competitive, with the needs of the citizens of the country. He prays for a country that looks to the needs of the disadvantaged, the poor and the sick. He tells me how heartbreaking it is, to see elderly folk being admitted for poorly managed conditions, because they did not seek treatment earlier for the fear of needing to burden their children with their medical bills. It is partially because of this hope, that he has decided to continue to work in public healthcare, even though that means less pay and less flexible hours.

We have to be really thankful because our family is, like many families in Singapore, very comfortably well-off. We can eat out at cafes, where we can choose the food based on what we like, and not what is the cheapest item on the menu. You have an abundance of toys and books, a roof over your heads, a car that brings us for outings. We can get around easily even without the car, since we have a good public transport system, and Mama can bring you out on her own without worrying about being mugged, because our country has safe streets. You love outings to the library, because our library shelves are so well organized and stocked with good reads. We have much to be grateful for, and many during this period have shared the same sentiment. That has been a major deciding factor for the votes of many during this election, the mentality that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it".

Yet for us, while we are so very grateful for all that has been done by our government, we still worry about this mentality that has been termed as "navel-gazing". We hope for more to be done, not for ourselves, but for those who fall through the cracks. I guess this is why we were willing to listen to the alternative views and policies that have been proposed, and while our country has done well in general, we can always strive to do better. (A side point: We were impressed by the clear and well-researched proposals shared here. But going by the discussions I've read on FB, some had erroneous ideas because they obtained all their information from social media, and not from the actual source. Anyway, I digress.) We saw that some had their views and ideas shaped by social media, with little effort being made to read or understand proposed policies.  I hope in time to come, we'll be able to talk through these issues with you boys. When it's your turn, take time to read manifestos, and think through the issues, and refrain from FB debates. Have the guts to form your own opinion based on sound research, and not popular opinion or fear-mongering.

Proposed policies and debates aside, remember that the Bible states that all authorities are established by God, and that we are to submit to our governing authorities. However, also remember that we are more than just a vote: our country is made up of people, and it is the people who make a difference. Our country has progressed so far, not just because of good leadership, but because of industrious and determined people, who stand in the gap and make things happen. We cannot just sit and point fingers at the government, and wait for them to make changes, because that limits our contribution to this country to just an "X" marked in a box on polling day. It is my prayer, that each of you will grow up to have a heart to serve others, to ask what you can do to make the lives of others around you better.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; 

indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."  

- Margaret Mead 

Remember, we are more than a vote, we are much, much more.

Love, Your Mama.




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Thankful Tuesday: Giving back

Things have been better the past two weeks. The nausea has more or less abated, and only returns if I'm very tired or hungry. I'm still exhausted, but I think my energy is picking up. I'm so glad because that means I can be more present on the home front, in terms of hanging out with the boys, and I'm back to cooking more complicated meals.

One of the projects we're working right now is raising funds for the SPCA. I thought it would be good for the boys to learn to give back, especially when they have been blessed with so so much. Homeschooling is great because it gives us the time to work on these projects. Junior J was given a choice between a few organizations, and chose the SPCA since he loves animals. He'll be making Perler bead magnets of various designs to sell, and you can view the designs and details here. Right now, it's just fruit/food magnets, but we'll be adding dinosaur and My Little Pony designs soon. The boy is pretty excited: we've drawn up a document to key in all the orders, he will have to keep track of all the money collected, and will need to pack and address the orders. Hope to have your support!




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