This Dec holidays...

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Dear Mummy with the mixed feelings...

Maybe you were the one having a sinking feeling this morning, when you remembered the pile of sheets you had to wash because of a leaky diaper. Or maybe you were feeling defeated, when by 9 am the kids already had two fights. Or perhaps you were frustrated, because the two year old was throwing a tantrum before breakfast, because he wanted tissue to wipe his tears but the tissue box was empty, simply because the day before he had taken all the tissues out, shredded them and threw them all over the house.

Perhaps you were the mum who felt bad for shouting at your toddler, because he was grumpy from waking up three times the night before, and absolutely refused to eat his cereal. Or you lost your temper when your little foodie, who usually gulps down his lunch in 15 minutes, demands for "Pasta only!" and screams when you put sauce in his bowl, and then needs to be fed his lunch while you had to bounce a fretting baby in a carrier. You might be the mum who felt like tearing her hair out because the kids didn't want to drink their water the whole day and had to be chased with their water bottles.

Or you might be the mum who yelled at the kids, when you went to the toilet and returned to find that they had found some twine and a scissors, and were busy cutting little bits of fibre and flinging them everywhere. And then you felt terrible for losing your temper, especially when you just told them not to yell at each other.

You may be the mum who felt too tired to bring them down to the playground to play, and then was plagued by feelings of guilt. Or you may have been fighting this rising sense of irritation with the older kids, who didn't seem to be able to turn their volume down when you were trying to get the baby to sleep.

Maybe you were the tired mum, who had to rock the baby to sleep umpteen times, because he woke up every single time you put him down during his naps. Or your back ached for carrying him almost the whole day while you did your chores. Perhaps you struggled to feed the baby because he was fussy or didn't want to drink or was just plain distracted.

Perhaps you were the mum who felt frazzled, because you had to bathe the kids while the baby wailed in the background, but the kids squirmed and splashed and took their time. Or you felt guilty, because you were rushing to cook and couldn't read a book to them, or because you felt like hiding in the toilet for 10 minutes, to be away from all the "mama mama!"s. Maybe you felt like crying, when someone gives some unhelpful remark like "I've never seen kids fighting so much before!".

Well then, mummy, amidst all the feelings of frustration of things going wrong, and amidst feeling guilty for things that you think you did wrong... take some time to think of the things you did right today. Think of the times the kids played nicely together, and said please and thank you, and the times when they asked nicely for toys and negotiated instead of throwing punches.


Think of the frozen (but still healthy) meal you cooked for lunch, which had veggies in it. Think of the books you read, the booboos you kissed, the advice you dished out (whether or not it was heeded is a different thing). Think of the dinner that went into their tummies, and breathe in the scent of kiddy shampoo and clean skin because you gave them their baths.


Think of the baby growing well, because you have been diligent in feeding him. Enjoy that baby cooing that comes after a feed. Think of the lessons your kids have learnt today, from the books you read, or from resolving the fights they had, or from helping out at home. Think of the relatively chaos-free home that greets your hubby when he comes home. Think of the clean clothes that came out from the washer, because you loaded and ran a wash cycle.

Then give yourself a short break when you can afford it, have that cup of tea, or that bar of chocolate, or that slice of cake. Whatever that tickles your tummy's fancy. Each day comes with its own challenges, and tomorrow would probably be challenging too. And the day after. And the day after that. While we face those challenges each day, it is easy to get stressed over what we did wrong and what we did not do. Even as we try to be better each day, try to remember the things you did right. We are not perfect, but we are saved by grace, so let's extend that grace to ourselves and to other mummies out there!

~~~~~~~

I'm writing this at the end of a long crappy day (what I wrote probably describes everything that happened today!), and I admit that by dinner time I was ready to throw the older kids at the hubby, and run away from home for a couple of days with the baby (since he still had to nurse). Except that the hubby had to attend a late meeting over dinner and only came home when I was putting the older ones to bed. I was so thankful for my mum who came over to help at dinner time. 

And as I was thinking about everything that went wrong today, I realized, there were things that went right. And while each day can sometimes feel like a whole mess, there is always progress as we plug on. So I'm trying to take motherhood from a "glass half full" perspective instead, and I hope you'll join me!

Linking up with:
mamawearpapashirt

8 comments:

  1. WOW! Thanks for such a detailed filled blog - are you sure you ain't describing my day too? You are absolutely right - some days / even moments in a day can either fill our hearts with pride and overwhelming love for our children and / OR sends our blood pressure crashing through the roof and wonder if my neighbours are going to call Family services on me for my non-stop SHOUTING!

    I love your reflection at the end. Amidst all the things that went wrong, there were also things that were right.

    Motherhood is the most polarising role I've ever taken on and together with you, I am also a glass half full person and also tell myself, "Today is a brand new day".

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  2. Sounds familiar to my days too

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  3. What a day. And to think that it's actually the usual for most mums. Hang in there yah? Take a deep breath, take those 10 mins in the toilet without feeling guilty (you need it more than them and 10 mins of wailing or chaos outside never hurt any kid), take time out once the hubby is available. Those moments to gain back some sanity are absolutely crucial for this long haul marathon.

    Big hugs, Jus!

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  4. Big hugs from me too Justina and you're doing so well on your own with three kids! I always try to remember my mantra, this too shall pass for both the bad and the good moments. So cherish them, treasure them. For they will be the memories that you will look back and miss once the kids are older.

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  5. I really needed this today - so often I find myself short on patience, and have to keep reminding myself that God gives us what he knows we can handle. Like 200 times a day :p

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  6. Hugs, jus. It will keep getting better! J boys, be good to your mama ok?

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  7. Big hugs Justina. Indeed it's so important to give that grace that we've received freely to ourselves and our loved ones when we've had a tough day...So inspired and encouraged by the lesson you've shared through this post!

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  8. Hugs to you! We are only human. It is natural to feel these emotions and you r not alone.:) stop and take a deep breath will do good. I jave to constantly remind myself to do that.

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