10 things that have changed

In July, blogging mothers from Singapore shared their stories on how being a mother has changed them (read their stories here).  For the past two weeks in September, more moms have shared about their journey through motherhood, and I hope you've enjoyed reading their stories.  Perhaps you've identified with some of them!

Today's post is by Suhanya, who is a mom of one.  She blogs about her parenting journey here.  She loves to write, and hopes to author a book one day.

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What has motherhood changed in ME? I would rather say motherhood brought the best out of me, as well as made me realize that I could well be irritated, frustrated, crappy and depressed too…


First feelings 
To be very honest, the very first feelings I had when I conceived were whether I could be really a good mom, and a good parent. There are so many people who have asked me along the way, “How did you feel, the very first time you held/saw Yuvan after he was born?” The first feelings were, I was relieved, and then looking at him I thought (still the words are in me) “He looks so small (Yuvan weighed 2.8 kg) and tiny. How am I going to bring him up and parent him? But he is my responsibility!!!”

What has changed in me?

1. I am more kid-friendly compared to what I was before Yuvan happened.

2. I have become a person who can teach with patience.

3. I have come to like all animation movies, and enjoy the world of kids, which I probably didn’t get to when I was a child.

4. I have learnt to understand that every child is an individual, and every child is different.

5. Responsibilities, priorities and the ever running thought process have become the way of life.

6. The weight gain and weight loss cycle and trying to lose some more after getting back to pre-pregnancy weight within the first year after giving birth and then gaining a bit more over the years is a big change in me. (and the way you feel about it when you realize that you have to shed a few kilos….)

7. I enjoy the contemplation and the happiness that follows in instances like,
:: The on and off thoughts of “Am I a good parent? Am I a good mom?” And then the awesome feeling when someone tells you, “You are one awesome parent/your child is a happy child.”
 :: And the happy or satisfied feeling that you get, every time you realize or assure yourself that of course you have been a good parent!!

8. Through motherhood, I was introduced to the blogging world, and realized that my passion is definitely writing.

9. The positivity and the world of moms around me don’t fail to impress and inspire me every single day!

10. The way I look at life and what’s important to us as a family has taken the driver's seat.

The journey of motherhood

In July, blogging mothers from Singapore shared their stories on how being a mother has changed them (read their stories here).  This month, we will be hearing more from them about their journeys through motherhood.

Today's post is by PC, and I'll leave her to introduce herself: "I am an ordinary mother to two quite extraordinary daughters. I started to blog and digi-scrapbooking with the intention to meet friends in mommyland. You can find me at Simply Us, do drop by and say hello if you like the scrapbook I did or the Instagram-ed pictures. I am still working hard on my writing ;)." 

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Being a mother for coming to seven years, I realize that other parts of me are diminishing. I mean the crazy part of me, the adventurous part of me. I tend to think twice or thrice to an invitation, and say yes. I would often picture my girls in my mind if I have to consider any offer or move. Dreams that I used to have, are now far away, till I've forgotten what they were exactly. My plate as a mother is full, until zealousness decided to leave me alone with the children.

In retrospect, my transition to motherhood was sudden. It was massive, very massive. And critical too. It was C-section and the baby was pre-term. It was heart-breaking to see the little survivor lying in the incubator, attached to tubes and wires, watched over by a monitor that constantly flashed and bleeped. I was not expecting to take the roles and responsibilities as a mother with guilt, but I did. I took an unusual path to begin my motherhood journey. It came to my mind once that if my mum can do it (motherhood), I can too! Similarly and differently.

I became a kangaroo and a cow to the little one very quickly! I surfed the internet for answers to why my baby was in such a critical condition, I struggled through medical terminologies. I was told to look after my baby full time and I did. I became a radical by becoming a mother, remember the guilt? I would go insane for her skipping the afternoon nap, being fussy at food, or when someone condemned how I mothered my child.

The little survivor survived, growing, behaving like any other normal child, driving me up the wall. Of course, in any circumstance, I am thankful. She is one great survivor. She gave me a whole lot of courage to go for another pregnancy and give her another sibling, a full-term baby, who is giving me another set of awesomeness. I don’t call the younger sister Little Bomber for nothing.

It is interesting to look back, all the way back, to where I started my journey of motherhood. Both my girls are just fabulous for taking me along the ride of motherhood.  It is a long journey with a few life-altering moments, and full of surprises:

:: I stretch my brain cells, to be persuasive enough to ask my child to open her mouth to eat one more spoonful of food and another, and another and one more. Sometimes, I’m able to strategically distract a wild kid in public, without embarrassing myself. Sometimes, I think I am a genius to avoid war (between the child and I)!

:: I multitask: I eat peanut-butter sandwiches for breakfast, analysing a set of statistics in my working cubicle. Simultaneously, I call the school to confirm the upcoming excursion which my daughter had offered her mum as one of the parent volunteers. I produced a very happy morning.

:: I keep cooking really simple. I hunt for simple recipes that can stay in my brain for long. I can spontaneously, instantly cook, if my husband suddenly tells me for some reason, our plans to dine-out has to be cancelled. I am versatile!

:: I have an invisible book-keeper, for recording most rules, promises, punishments and rewards. This also comes with lots of bargains that make sense and are deemed acceptable to a seven-year-old girl or a two-year-old. The task of book-keeping is daunting, to be honest. Repetitive conversations like “MacDonalds for dinner tonight?” “Nope, we just went there three days ago. We can only go there at least once a week, remember?” “Then, how about KFC?” I think she wishes that her mom has short-term memory, so that she could eat her favourite French fries as frequently as possible.

:: I’m an unintentional stirrer to my second child’s temperament. “No” is not acceptable to her, but she gives us “No” all the time, except “Mommy”, which is an equation to “Drop everything and stick to me!” Sometimes, I wonder if it is karma, because I was rebellious and didn’t appreciate my mum.

:: I don’t like to be a mediator, but I have to be one. To suppress murderous feelings of one being victim and the other being the “aggressor”. For being fair and square in most cases of giving food, new clothes and toys, hugs and kisses, time and attention spent on both my girls.

:: For the past nine months, I smelt like a walking, opened bottle of dishwashing detergent, or sometime bleach. We have decommissioned the service of a part-time cleaner. I have been doing the mopping, washing, rubbing, folding and changing. SC, my husband, does the vacuuming and decluttering occasionally. We have just realized that home chores are forever an unfinished task, and I've finally decided to out-source.

:: Sometime, I act like a mad dog woman, barking nagging at the television, at poor marks, at ignorance, at terrible messes, at the innocent husband. I miss the days when I was a kangaroo and a cow.

:: Not to mention, I’m a fierce kicker to SC at night. I punch him occasionally. Nope, he doesn’t slap me. He knows pretty well that, I am fighting for more sleep.

I do have a number ten for the list, even number eleven and twelve. After all, it is a long journey and mine has just begun. The truth is, motherhood brings out the curious side of me, the kiasu side of me, the positive side and the toughness in me. It brings me to wonderful people in mommyland. It probably will bring me back to my dream. I don’t know where my journey will lead. I've stopped expecting, I've stopped comparing. I look at the now, I try to listen carefully to my girls, and I realize that they are the most important things in the whole world to me.  

“The journey of motherhood taught me very well that we are on our own journey. We’re facing our awesome challenges and taking risks that are just as breathtaking.  …The kids are with us just one time around and then they’re out there…” by Monika Deol,  one of the mothers who shared her story in Between Interruptions .

I can’t agree more.

Life transformation

In July, blogging mothers from Singapore shared their stories on how being a mother has changed them (read their stories here).  This month, we will be hearing more from them about their journeys through motherhood.

Today's post is by Wendy.  She is a full time working mom of two, a three year old son and a seven month old daughter.  She started blogging in 2007 after being inspired by another fellow mom blogger, Sandra.  Her blog is about her journey as an individual, a mommy, and a wife. 

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Thanks to Jus, I think I have not really put into words how being a mother has changed me. It is something so close to my heart, yet it is another matter to pen it down.

Whenever I look at my kids, I wonder how did I get them in the first place? How did I get promoted to being a mother? I seem to have suffered amnesia for the whole pregnancy process. Well, that is so not true! I remember every single detail of both pregnancies! Like the super long labor of 18 hours for my son, and the heartache for my daughter. As a mother of two now, I feel that I went through a “life transformation”. In what ways? 

First of all, I want to lament... I want to lament that hubby and I have stopped traveling and being carefree since the kids arrived. Most of the time, if not all the time, the plans revolve around the kids. We always try our utmost best for them. I miss traveling with and dating my hubby. I miss being a shopaholic, chilling out with friends and not have to put the kids to bed. Of course I miss my once upon a time, slim figure which now after 2 kids is totally in ruins. I am seriously unsure if I can ever get that slim figure back. Besides all these superficial and self indulgent desires, is there one thing I won’t do again to be a mother? The answer is No. I thank God everyday for giving me these 2 beautiful children. I am blessed to have a boy and a girl. 

Before the kids arrived, it was just about hubby and I. We were carefree in every sense. When we were promoted to parenthood with Eljasz’s arrival, we had to learn to balance work, family, being a couple, how to take care of Eljasz and new budgeting for the new family member. We had to learn about everything and everything was new to me. I made new parents friends, listened to their advice and how to manage my new baby.

As a mother, I got to:

1) Increase in capacity – it is no longer thinking as a couple but as a family unit. I need to increase the love in my heart to love one more darling; which is not hard when you look at their faces.

2) Have a big heart – as the kids grow up, their mishaps and cheekiness increases. I cannot be a petty human being, and rant like a mad woman towards them. I have to learn to love them again and again despite all their silly mistakes. I learn to be a more forgiving and patient person. In order to see them grow up, I have to pace my sanity along with them.

3) Be gracious in my speech and manner – in view of this year, it has been rather eventful since the arrival of our princess. It has been very challenging with many ordeals. Through all of that, I learn to be more empathetic towards people; making a conscious effort to always give everyone the benefit of doubt in every situation. I guess everyone has a story to tell, and who am I to judge? I have to show mercy and grace to others, so that my kids will pick up the right vibes and values from me. Our kids don’t practice what we teach, but they practice what they see us do or say.

Overall, being a mother has transformed me to be a better person. I've learnt to love and care more for the people around me.

For my kids:

I have no regrets to have waited 9 months before I get to see you.

You have been my joy and my pride.

I am willing to lay down my life so that you can live your dreams.

I would run through the valleys and conquer the mountains with you.

All you have to do is to call me and I will be there for you.

You will never grow up in my eyes; and are always the treasure in my heart.

I thank God everyday that He has given me both of you.

How blessed are we!

He has sent you as angels in disguise.

When mommy and daddy are no longer the same or as healthy as we ought to be, please remember that we will always love you no matter what difficult decisions you need to make.

We count it a privilege to be your parents in this lifetime.

Hubby aka Darling, thank you for being my hero and my pillar when things were so tough.

We have made it!

Through it all, you are still the most important person in my life; beside God and the kids.

I am still looking forward to grow old with you.

I love you always,

Mommy / Wifey

One big paranoid scaredy cat

In July, blogging mothers from Singapore shared their stories on how being a mother has changed them (read their stories here).  This month, we will be hearing more from them about their journeys through motherhood.

Today's post is by Pamela, who is a mother of three young children aged between two to five years.  She is currently working full-time, and sells board games online as a side-line.  Pamela has varied interests, including playing strategy board games, engaging in various outdoor sports, collecting Spiderman action figures and creating photo collections of her family.  She maintains a personal blog at "Tan Family Chronicles" the as well as an online board game store, "My First Games".

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Ever since I started blogging - which, incidentally, is when I became a mother - I have always wanted to write a blog post on how motherhood has changed me. Somehow, the post never got done. And through the years (more than 5 years now, wow!), the mental list of ways in which motherhood changed me just kept getting longer.

I shall not talk about how my girth has enlarged and fitness level dropped. Nor what a waste it is that I am not into tattooing since I now have so much real estate for tattooing on my thighs and butt. Neither shall I talk about how my shoe-size has increased by one size, or that I now wear my wedding and engagement rings on a chain around my neck as they can no longer get pass the knuckle on my fingers...

Instead, I shall tell you about how motherhood has made me into one big paranoid scaredy-cat.

Before motherhood, I was this garang, dare-devil tomboy who enjoyed thrilling activities like canyoning and sky-diving; relished watching macabre movies (Saw!!! zombie movies!) and tv shows on gruesome crime (CSI); reading and collecting books on famous serial killers...

Today, while I am still game to go on crazy roller coaster rides like the Battlestar Galactica at the Universal Studios Singapore which I very much enjoyed - I now, tend to vere towards "safer" thrilling activities like say the luge or a long water slide - something which will not potentially be fatal. I confess, that, as I sat in the suspended Cylon ride carriage, I actually said a silent prayer as the ride started. Suddenly, all the newspaper reports of how the Battlestar Galactica ride was delayed before the theme park opened due to a ride carriage falling off during one of its test runs flashed past my eyes. "This could be the day I die." I thought to myself, thanking God that hubbs wasn't on the ride with me, so that, *touch*wood* if anything happened to me on this ride, he'd still be around to take care of the kids.

The Gloucester Tree in Pemberton, Australia.

The first time I consciously realised that I was now afraid of taking part in activities which were potentially fatal, was when Isaac was about 22 months old on our holiday to Perth, Australia with him for the first time. We were in Pemberton to see its climbing trees - trees you could climb coz they inserted metal rods into the tree for you to climb up. The Gloucester Tree was 61 metres high, and you could climb all the way to the treehouse built at the top of it, just like climbing a ladder. The rungs were about a feet apart, plenty of space for someone to slip through. But I'm sure no one has died there yet, but still.  My cousins and hubbs - all climbed the tree all the way to the top of the 61m high tree. Me, I just climbed a few rungs to have the picture taken. I didn't even consider climbing it, it was out of the question.

There and then, looking after the kids while waiting for hubbs and my cousins to climb up and come back down, I realised that I refused to climb because I felt that I was unnecessarily endangering my life. What if I died? Isaac would have no milk to drink (I was still breastfeeding then). I have responsibilities now. I am a mother. What would my child do without me? I realised that the pre-mummy me, would have been one of the first to have climbed up that tree. Suddenly, I was glad that we had an exciting honeymoon in New Zealand where we did canyoning, white water rafting, sky-diving etc... activities which I am not sure I will partake in now.

While I still have a macabre interest in serial killers, I don't read about it much now.  Because when I do, my heart aches for the victims and their families.  I'd imagine how heartbroken I'd be if those children killed were my own.  The same goes for true crime reports or tv shows like Crime Watch and CSI (Crime Scene Investigation).  I never used to feel this deeply for the victims before I became a mother.

Also, perhaps because I have read so much about so many serial killers. I know all the tricks they employed to help them successfully capture the children and women they have killed... and I start to formulate lesson plans in which I would warn my children to watch out for suspicious characters, and how to fight back and protect themselves should anything untoward happen. 

Is that a nice old man? No! It may be another Albert Fish! What about that funny clown? Urrgh, that could be John Wayne Gacy's protege! What about that nice couple there? That auntie and uncle is asking for help... wait! They could be another Brady & Hindley or even closer home Adrian Lim and wife! Oh the horrors! Not all dangerous people look as hedious, scary or as awful as all these mugshots too. Ted Bundy was a handsome fella - and he used his smiles to trick many a girl! The world is such a dangerous place!

I remind my eldest, Isaac, that he's only a little boy, so adults should not be asking him for help - a la Ted Bundy's little trick of asking people for help. I also role play with Isaac to teach him and warn him against anybody who might ask him for permission to view or touch his private parts.

My overactive imagination went into overdrive when, a few months back, reports were sprouting up everywhere about attempted kidnapping of children in Singapore. Eventually, police stated in reports that no kidnappings actually took place and that it was all a hoax. But frankly, I believe there is no smoke without a fire. Perhaps no actual kidnappings took place - because none were successful. But attempted kidnappings very likely took place, and the government is just trying to prevent a public panic when they issue statements that there were no kidnappings... Can you see Paranoid Pam at work?! In any case, at least the whole episode made parents more careful and wary about the safety of their children. And hubbs stopped saying that I was being silly when I insisted that the kids should not be allowed to play outside the restaurant, out of our sight...

I guess all this stems from me being the protective mother and all. Being a mother makes me appreciate all the sacrifices parents make for their children. It also makes me more likely to tear now, than before, when watching movies with touching scenes. There is one movie scene which only made me tear after I became a mother. It was in The Incredibles, the animated film about a family with superhero powers. Remember the scene where the mother Elastigirl was with her two children, in a plane that was going to crash? She actually wrapped her entire body around her children to protect them from the blast of the aeroplane blowing up. Before I became a mother, I thought this was so cool, and cheered that the three of them were not hurt. After I became a mother, I teared, thinking that if I were to choose a superpower to have, this would be the super power I will choose, just so I can protect my children if and when such a need arises. I was moved to tears as I was so relieved that Elastigirl was able to save her children. I never thought I'd be so soppy!

So, 5 years on, these are some of the ways in which I had observed how motherhood changed me. It amuses me that motherhood would change me this way. I suspect there would be more to come. But one thing's for sure, I'm becoming more and more like my mother! arrrghh!!! :p

Conversations: Before and after

In July, blogging mothers from Singapore shared their stories on how being a mother has changed them (read their stories here).  This month, we will be hearing more from them about their journeys through motherhood.

Today's post by Jacqeline made me smile.  It's funny how our conversations change after the arrival of the little ones!  Jacqeline is a full time working mum of two kids, aged one and two.  Like her life, her blog centers around her kids nowadays, and charts their growth, the books they read and the activities they do together.

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When MamaJ posted up a request asking for mommies to contribute posts about how motherhood has changed them, I gamely signed up for it.  I thought this is a topic that I have been wanting to do, and its such an easy topic.  But after reading through the different posts from the mommies in July, I realize its actually not so easy to write after all.  Its not that there is no changes in me, its just that there are so many that I do not know where to start.  And mostly the changes are similar to what the other mommies have written.  But a promise is a promise.  So I'm just going to try my best in writing this post.  Hope you all will enjoy reading it!

Spontaneity

Before the kids came along:

Chubby: Come lets go fly kite.

Me: Huh? Don't want lah. Very hot outside. I want to stay at home to sleep.

After the kids came along:

Chubby: Come lets go fly kite.

Me: Great! Something for the kids to do.

Activities

Before the kids came along:

Chubby: Lets go Marina Bay to fly kite on weekend.

Me: Marina Bay very far leh.

After the kids came along:

Me: Shall we bring the kids to Marina Barrage on the weekend? To play with the water and fly kite?

Weekend

Before the kids came along:

Chubby: What shall we do on the weekend?

Me: Sleep at home? Watch TV?

After the kids came along:

Me: What shall we do on the weekend?

Chubby: ...

Me: What?! You mean you have nothing planned for the weekend? I must go find something for the kids to do.

Shopping

Before the kids came along:

Me: Dear, I'm taking leave tomorrow to go to Mango sale.

Chubby: Ok

After the kids came along:

Me: Dear, I'm taking leave tomorrow to go to the Crazy Toy sale at Taka.

Chubby: Ok

Me: I will call you if I need you to help ferry me back with the toys.

$$ Savvy

Before the kids came along:

Chubby: Dear, there is a discount for the tissue.

Me: Ok, buy lor.

After the kids came along:

Chubby: Dear, there is a discount for the diapers.

Me: So how much does it cost per piece? (Whips out phone and start calculating). Hmm, there are days with better discount. I think we wait.

Couple Time

Before the kids came along:

Chubby: You want to watch "Harry Potter"?

Me: Ok. This weekend?

Chubby: Ok.

After the kids came along:

Chubby: You want to watch "Harry Potter"?

Me: Ok. Friday?

Chubby: Ok

Me: Ok, I go take leave

After the kids came along, our life centered around them.  From weekend activities to shopping, its always for the kids.  Couple time is rare and very treasured.  We also try to stretch our dollar, just so we can have more savings for the rainy days.  All the changes are for the kids, and we just hope to provide the best within our limits.

About being a mummy

In July, blogging mothers from Singapore shared their stories on how being a mother has changed them (read their stories here).  For the past week, we've heard more accounts about their journeys through motherhood.


Today we welcome Sandra, a full time working mom to a pair of boys, aged one year and four years.  She has been blogging since 2006, and chronicles her journey as a mom over at "Sanses".

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Being a Mummy for more than four years now, the last few years has taught me a little something. My very own “pearls of wisdom,” if you like.

 

#1: Don't get mad, get even. 
Get even-tempered, that is. Sometimes (and you can take it from a mummy of two very active toddlers) your kids will drive you up the wall. And then some. I attended a parenting course and learnt about 93% stress-free parenting, and it was a most interesting course! I picked up a couple of parenting techniques and ways to discipline and correct the kids.

 #2: Don't sweat the small stuff.



If there is anything I have learnt, it is that I need to keep cool, and not to sweat the small stuff. So my living room looks like a toy bomb exploded there, it's okay. So my bank account is feeling a tad empty, hey, it’s okay. So my post-pregnancy figure needs some a-losing and a-toning, ok here I have to sweat it out in the gym. Haha!

 #3: When all else fails...
 Take a deep breath and try again.

 And the best thing I learnt…

 #4: YOU are the best mummy (or daddy, for that matter) for your kids – and your kids are blessed to have you (and vice versa)!

Motherhood is a journey

In July, blogging mothers from Singapore shared their stories on how being a mother has changed them (read their stories here).  This month, we will be hearing more from them about their journeys through motherhood.

Today, we welcome Ling Siew, a mother to two boys – Nathan (almost 3 years old) and Noah (1 year old).  She recently quit her full time job, so that she could have more time for her boys. It took her a long time before she decided to stay home full time, and boy is she glad she did.  She’s started "Mama Shoppe", which she operates out of home.  She blogs at "A View from Mama’s Desk", where she writes about her boys’ adventures at school, at ‘work’ and at play. 

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Becoming a mother has changed me in more ways than one.  Nathan turns 3 in a few days… which means that I’ve been a mother for almost 3 years!  What has motherhood taught me?  How has it changed me?

I still remember Nathan’s very first month.  It was difficult.  The night feeds and breastfeeding woes really got to me…  I didn’t quite understand why he was crying at times, and I was careful not to form ‘bad habits’ that will be hard to kick.  So I stuck with rules like ‘no pacifier in the first month’ to prevent nipple confusion, ‘no rocking / nursing to sleep’ if you don’t want him to be reliant on that to fall asleep.  I had to draw on God’s strength daily to get through each day.  Unlike ‘going to work’, where I could look forward to going home, being a mother means that I am at work 24 hours a day.  I also decided not to hire a confinement nanny, so the main caregiver was yours truly.  We eventually got the hang of things…  I knew why he was crying, how he liked to be nursed, how to put him to sleep etc…  And like what most mums tell me, the first month is the difficult, but it does get better.  So if you are a new mum struggling in your first month, know that it does get less difficult.  So how did that change me?  I learnt to appreciate my mom more.  Thru the years, I think I never really saw the sacrifices she made for me and often took for granted all the things she does for me.  Becoming a mother myself opened my eyes to how selfless my mom has been all these years, putting up with me during my rebellious teenage years, worrying about me when I was out late or far away in the US pursuing my degree, giving in to my whims and fancies.  Being a mother myself has made me appreciate my own mother more than before.

As a child, I remember how my mom or dad will always save the best parts of the chicken for me… or let me half the last piece of meat on the plate, if I so desired.  你吃，你吃。我不要。Being little then, I’d just happily gobble down whatever is left, without thinking much…  But now, I see that this is just one example of their selfless love for me.  With Nathan and Noah, I’d always let them have the first sip of milk shake, and the last cookie (unless I feel that they’ve had too much).  My needs and wants are no longer as important as theirs.  I dare not call myself selfless, but I suppose it is just what every mom would do.  My days are planned with their routines in mind, our outings are planned with their interests in mind.  Dean and I haven’t gone (and will probably not be going) for a holiday on our own, and we haven’t had a spa treat every since Nathan was born.  But all these don’t really matter…  I enjoy bringing them to feed the fishes, going to the playgrounds, attending birthday parties, seeing their smiles and hearing them chuckle in delight makes my day.

I’ve learnt to be more organized and efficient.  My calendar is now filled with not just my appointments, but also Nathan’s and Noah’s.  I’ve learnt to prioritize better, and work within the short pockets of time I have while they nap, are in school, or are playing at the playground.

I’ve learnt to slow down and appreciate nature.  Noah has recently started talking (for now, just single words).  Seeing his enthusiasm when he spots or hears a bird and screams “bird, bird” reminds me of the need to slow down, to look, to listen.  Nathan likes picking twigs and stones, and watching snails creep by.  I must admit that there were times when I’ve gotten impatient and asked him to hurry up and follow me, instead of trailing behind.  I think it is good to make time to stop and smell the flowers in the midst of our busy lives.

Motherhood is a journey.  I’ve learnt much, changed much… but there’s more to be learnt, and I pray daily that God will continue to mould me into the mother he wants me to be.

What motherhood has taught me

In July, blogging mothers from Singapore shared their stories on how being a mother has changed them (read their stories here).  This month, we will be hearing more from them about their journeys through motherhood.

Today, we welcome Elizabeth, who will share about the lessons she has learnt in being a mother.  She is a full-time working mum with three kids, aged three, two and six months.  She blogs at "The Musings of Motherkao", and loves bitter chocolate and bubble play with her kids.

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Before I became a mother, I was a prissy, stuck-up, pain in the ass. I had an attitude. I thought the world of myself and very little of others. I was driven, demanding, and a no-nonsense kind of person.

I did some things I was proud of: I wake-boarded; I scuba-dived. As an undergraduate, I worked at a prestigious lifestyle mag and interned at a dive magazine. My boss sent me to Australia to market his magazine at a dive symposium. I shook hands with cool people from the diving circle. When I got married, I went backpacking with the husband. We travelled to Italy, Vienna, Czech Republic and Hungary. We explored quaint towns, and stayed with the locals and at youth hostels. We made friends from all over the world over beer, coffee and goulash.

I’d like to think I was pretty accomplished before I had kids.

Today, I no longer dive, wakeboard or backpack. I bake. And cook. I change poopy diapers, clean mucous and sing lullabies. Along the motherhood journey, I’ve lost my cool, blown my top, terrified the galls out of them, complained, murmured, and done all of the above on a repeated basis. I’ve failed too many tests of endurance and the willingness to sacrifice. Along the way, I have also crushed them with some of the most horrid things I’ve ever said, and treated them way too impatiently, emotionally and unfairly. In short, of the three years of being mom, I’ve made quite a mess of the whole process.

But I’ve also watch, as the days go by, how my heart is slowly transformed by just being my children’s mother in the everyday. I’d like to think that having gone through three pregnancies, three deliveries and now, mothering three very different, but unique individuals, motherhood has changed me for the better. In the good and the bad of everyday parenting, my children have molded my heart and invited me to experience God in ways deeper than I’ve ever imagined.

Being a mother has taught me that it’s ok to make a mess. I’ve learned to admit my mistakes, deal with my guilt and move on; more quickly and steadily than before I was a mom. I learned that children can be very forgiving. And above all else, I’ve learned that God the Father extends his forgiveness and love ever more readily to me now. He stops me from beating myself up, takes me into His loving arms and tells me “Liz, it’s ok”.

Being a mother has taught me to draw parameters for my anger and to pursue love at all cost. To channel my emotional energy at the right places, for the right things and towards the right people. It’s impossible to be a parent without feeling a host of intense emotions, but it’s definitely possible to lean on His grace to handle the trickier ones. Best of all, God has shown me that as my Heavenly Father, He has pursued me with love at all cost. And as a mother, I have the best example to follow and model after.

Being a mother has taught me what really matters in life. All of a sudden, when you become a mother, you possess the amazing ability to differentiate between futility and priority. I began to realize that life is brief, and that there remains the absolute need to live for the now and to leave an influence and impact so great for my children for the future. So I learned to be more efficient to exchange for more time with them. I learned that character matters. Imparting values matters. Being a better me matters. Ben making funny sounds with his tongue does not. Becks kicking off her shoes in the car does not. The kids making a paper cut-out mess and flinging shreds and gravel from the fish tank into their baby brother’s cot does not. In the grander scheme of things, even though they may be annoying, it’s just futility to be sweating the small stuff.

And last of all, being a mother has taught me to see the beauty in the small things. Where once upon a time I was a way-too-busy-to-smell-the-roses kind of person, today, I’ll give anything to kiss my children’s little feet, stroke their hair and put my finger in their tiny hands. They’ve taught me to stop, take a deep breath, and listen to the ambient sounds: that little sigh, that gurgling chuckle, that inaudible whimper. I’ll put my nose close to Nat’s mouth just so I can take in the smell of his baby breath. I’ll whisper into Ben’s ear just to see him wriggle away, tickled and laughing. And I would peck Becks on her chubby cheek just to watch her break into a coy little grin. I learned that I am mother and I am not too busy to enjoy my children.

In motherhood, I’ve learned to lose my attitude. That attitude. I don’t think I’m so prissy and stuck-up anymore, although it’s really still a journey and I’m very much a piece of work-in-progress. But I wouldn’t change anything. Without my kids, I wouldn’t be who I am today; and I am happier to be me now than me then.

How has motherhood changed me? My children have cut me open. That has allowed God to do something to my heart. They’ve added a profound dimension to my life in which I will continue to discover as long as I am their mother.

Motherhood has made me a better person.