Weekend Wonderings: Take time to smell the roses

I have been juggling many balls lately. Motherhood, family and housework, this blog and its FB page, as well as the shop that a friend and I set up recently, selling vintage and old-fashioned things that we love. It has been a really fulfilling yet busy time, but I think in the process of getting everything done I've neglected my health. Just this weekend I sprained my back, which made bending or carrying baby difficult. It was really frustrating doing housework at a snail's pace, especially when there were so many things on my to-do list!

But I think the sprained back is a lesson to me, that I really need to slow down and take time to smell the roses. And I also need to take time to take care of myself, and get more rest and sleep. There's so much I want to do, there's so much I'd like to blog about, but I have to take it slow, or I might just burn out. So bear with me, as I probably be sharing less crafts/learning activities for awhile. 

As for all our new readers who have been popping over after reading the interview, hello and welcome! You can read more about our learning activities here, our book recommendations here and here. There are also posts on our art and craft here, and our homeschooling journey here. Have a blessed week everyone! 

PS: If you're wondering about those gorgeous flowers, here's the story behind them. :)

Weekend Wonderings: Less is more

Last week was a full week. The weekend was packed and we attended the Homeschool Festival. We went for a terrarium workshop on Monday. We had our usual co-ops. The week felt really packed. There were lots of things to do. 

However, rather than it feeling fruitful, I just felt... rushed. I felt like we were just dashing from one activity to another, chasing the boys and always asking them to "hurryupandbequick!". I was running around, trying to cook lunches, chivvying the kids out, trying to juggle too many balls at once. I shouted at the kids alot. 

Our nature inquiry co-op group met at Bollywood Veggies that week (all photos in this post were taken during the session), and we opted to go for the tour, since we felt that some guidance would be good and perhaps the kids would learn more. As it turned out, us parents learnt more about certain plants. However the kids were kids, and most of the younger ones (and especially the boys) were happier just exploring the place without an agenda. They poked at centipedes. They rustled through piles of leaves. They ran around, roaring, and exploring.

Last week was a lesson to me, that while some families thrive on a full programme for the week, our's does not. We need lots of time at home. The boys are happy at home, playing all their make-believe scenes with blankets and pillows and random things from around the home. They hold town councils, roast marshmallows, pretend they are pirates. The baby crawls about, and tries his best to join in. 

For us, less is more. And for me, I am reminded that what works for us is less structure. While the ex-teacher in me is uncomfortable with a more flexible schedule, I realize it gives me more room to seize those teachable moments. I can take the time to discipline, to explain, to explore alongside with the kids, because I am not busy trying to teach some math concept that I need my kid to learn now, because it was what I wrote down in my schedule. I will be able to sit and observe my children, and build upon their questions and interests, instead of forcing them to sit down and do some planned activity. Not that we will abandon all lessons, but I realize I need to allow for plenty of room for free play. There are so many ideas and activities I want to try, there is this or that co-op I want the kids to join... but right now the answer may be less of these things.

This was a good read, and further reminded me that I really need to take the time to step back and really take a good look at my children: 

"Homeschooling showed me that children don’t fare well as passive recipients of education. They want to take part in meaningful activities relevant to their own lives. They develop greater skills by building on their gifts, not focusing on abilities they lack.

The more I stepped back, the more I saw how much my son accomplished when fueled by his own curiosity. This little boy played chess, took apart broken appliances, carefully observed nature, helped on our farm, checked out piles of books at the library each week, memorized the names of historic aircraft and the scientific principles explaining flight, filled notebooks with cartoons and designs—-learning every moment.

My son taught me that distractible, messy, disorganized children are perfectly suited to learn in their own way."

So this week, I am hoping to be more purposeful in going with their flow, and go easy on the academics. Less is more. Let's see how it goes. 

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Weekend wonderings: Dealing with change

This week, I felt overwhelmed. Our cleaning lady was not able to come last week, and after a week of having the flu, the home was starting to look like quite the disaster. I realize I am quite terrible at dealing with changes in our rhythm, and having the boys sick on top of everything else gave me this frustrated feeling in the pit of my stomach. This week, we hardly got any structured learning done, since Junior J wasn't well and just didn't want to do anything except lie down on the sofa. 

Homeschooling does call for a certain amount of flexibility: in your routines, in the way you manage things, since children change, and their needs change. Family rhythms change with the times too, especially with the addition of new members in the family. I sometimes struggle with the flexibility that is required. I am a chronic list and schedule maker, I like things predictable. When we are thrown off course because of circumstances, I tend to run about like a headless chicken. I've learnt that I need to be more flexible, and I think God has been teaching me that I must learn to let go, and keep trusting Him and doing the things that matter.

I've found that the best way to cope in such circumstances is to just keep plugging away at my to-do list, which gives me a certain sense of stability, and ensures I don't freak out. Today, I was most thankful because my parents helped me with the older two so that I could catch up with some chores. I managed to tidy up the home, our cleaning lady came, and now I am feeling a lot calmer. Whatever the case, I am just glad that the weekend is almost here!

What about you? How do you cope with changes? Are you like me, or do you embrace changes and spontaneity? 

Weekend wonderings: Thank you

We went for the Singapore Blog Awards ceremony yesterday. We were told it was going to be a derby theme, so me and a couple of other mum blogger friends turned up in our big hats. Hubby came along with me, and so did baby J, who gamely endured his Mama's attempts to dress him up as a horse. 

It was baby J's lunch time, so I was busy feeding him his oatmeal when they announced the results. Our blog won the "Best Family Blog" award! I was standing there, shocked, a thermos of oatmeal in my hand, my fingers sticky with oatmeal and clutching some rather gummy wet wipes. I wasn't sure if I'd heard correctly, since I'd just recovered from the flu and my hearing was still fuzzy. 

Hubby told me to "GO!", and all I could ask him was the silliest thing ever: Where do I put the oatmeal? (It was a standing event and there was no nearby table.) Anyway, he grabbed the thermos, and gave me a gentle push and I somehow made it to the stage.

Everything right now feels rather surreal, but oh, I do so want to say a big "Thank You!". To my husband, who has been the blog's most faithful reader, and my pillar of strength. To my kids, who give me so many reasons to write. To my parents and in-laws, who have been so supportive. To all my friends, who have been reading, and encouraging me and praying for me. To all my mum blogger friends, for all your warmth and friendships. To all you dear readers, who drop by, and always leave me heartened by your comments, emails, and presence. 

Thank you for voting for us, for sharing in this amazing journey we call parenthood, for just being there. And thank You, God, for all these opportunities, and for giving me so much to be thankful for. 

We give thanks. 

I hope you've been having a blessed weekend!

Weekend Wonderings: What's up ahead

It has been a busy week. We've been struggling through weaning and sleep-training (we were back to square one after his recent illness), recovering from the flu, and just doing general spring-cleaning in preparation for baby's arrival. I can't believe that we're one week away from December, which for us, means the arrival of Baby J. 

We had a scare on Friday, since the contractions got pretty frequent in the evening, possibly due to my walking quite a lot during the day. I know it sounds sort of strange if we say we felt unprepared, since this is baby #3, but I was hoping we could at least have Lil J prepared in terms of sleep-training before his baby brother came. And we had tickets for Swan Lake on Saturday, so we were hoping that Baby J stayed put, so that his parents could at least go for the ballet! I hastily packed my hospital bag on Friday night, but thankfully the lil one decided he'd prefer to spend Saturday cosied up in Mama's tummy, while listening to Tchaikovsky (and he spent the entire Act 3 kicking up a storm). 

I'm glad we're now almost at 38 weeks. The boys have recovered, and are busy with their everyday adventures. There's still lots to do (card-making for charity and playdates amongst other things!). Meanwhile, I've been thinking through this whole blogging thing as well. This blog has grown along with our family, and I've enjoyed writing and posting. However, I am thinking through the direction that this blog is going, so if you could, please help me out here by filling up this poll? If there are other topics you'd like to see on the blog, just leave me a comment... thanks everyone!

What would you like to read more about on this blog?
	Children book reviews/recommendations
	Home-learning activities
	Our art and craft adventures
	Parenting thoughts and issues
	Scrapbooking
	Family updates
	Homeschooling updates
	Home design and organization
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Weekend Wonderings: Cabin fever

The mercury took a plunge over the past few days, and we had a weekend of sub-zero temperatures! It didn't snow though. Since the boys' both had coughs that got worse with the cold, we had to stay home most of the time. They have been getting rather restless though, and I can't wait for them to get better.

Just this morning, I was busy adjusting the laundry to ensure they got as much sun as possible, and hubby was busy clearing the breakfast things. Both of us thought the other was watching the baby. That baby quietly got his hands on some bits of crepe paper that were left lying about, thanks to his big brother's art projects, and ended up looking like he was prepared for trick or treating:

We wiped out his mouth a few times, but the green stains on his hands were pretty stubborn, so I guess it'll take a couple of days before they wash out. That aside, I guess you know how versatile crepe paper is for parties (some ideas here, plus hop over here for our under the sea wall), but apparently you can even use them to dye eggs!

And here are some random thoughts that have been bouncing through my head while we've been coped up at home:

:: We're missing home and its warm sultry weather. And I'm missing my carrot cake with loads of chilli. So I'm delighted to find "A Blogger's Guide to Singapore", with all its links to various SG-based blogs.

:: Art that involves the community fascinates me. Like this tent knitted over 3 months, and displayed as an art installation in Israel. Amazing, if you ask me!

:: Apples are plentiful right now, so I'm thinking of trying this recipe for apple raisin oatmeal... once I'm able to get out to the supermarket to buy those raisins!

:: Ever heard of the 5 second rule? A study seems to show that the germs are faster!

How was your weekend? And how do you keep the kids occupied at home when they are stuck home with colds?

Weekend wanderings: Bits and bobs

The in-laws left for home yesterday, so today has been a busy day for us while we get back into the usual swing of things.  I asked my mum to help out during lunch, since baby J was really cranky and insisted on being carried.  All. the. time.  (I think he misses the grandparents.)  She had some make up dance class, so she turned up with a can of tuna, and asked me to make my own sandwiches, LOL.  In the end I made cheese sandwiches for Junior J and myself.  Cheese sandwiches are great when you have to eat while walking and rocking a grumpy baby, since stuff doesn't drop out when you take a bite.  

Anyway this post will be totally random, since I can't seem to gather my thoughts into any sense of coherence:

:: In an attempt to take more family photos (especially since I tend to be behind the camera, and have very little shots with the kids), we signed up for one of those photoshoots during a Groupon promotion.  The shoot was held yesterday, and didn't go too well.  Our photographer was probably used to co-operative subjects that posed for him, and we went from point to picturesque point and were asked to do this and that.  However, Junior J as usual refused to look at the camera, and I think having a stranger follow him and point a big black lens at him freaked him out.  Poor photographer kept going "boy, please look at the camera, boy, please smile", which ensured that the boy did the total OPPOSITE.  Then the hubby was asked to take off his specs since they had transition lenses and were dark from the sun.  He put them in his pocket and promptly dropped them during the shoot, and didn't realize it until much later.  We spent 20 minutes combing all the places we went to try to find his specs (he tried to find them too, but that was totally unhelpful since he couldn't see!).  Thankfully we found them in the drain.  By the end of the shoot, baby J was totally hot, and unhappy and screamed... and poor baby ended up with a really bad heat rash.  Oh well.  At least some pictures were nice.

:: I can fit into my jeans again.  Finally!  Now I can go back to the usual jeans and T-shirt uniform.  :) 

:: This CNY, I've more or less eaten my way through 2 containers of pineapple tarts.  They are terribly addictive.  No wonder I can only fit into two pairs of jeans!

:: This post comforts me on days that I feel guilty for hoping that nap time will come sooner, so that I can get a break from all that craziness.  And encourages me to treasure those kairos moments.

:: When we run out of stuff and I don't have time to write a proper grocery list, Junior J sometimes ends up eating peanut butter sandwiches if we have to dine out (I always worry cheese will go bad so I avoid using that).  While we got our ramen fix at Ramen Champion (Thanks, E, for the recommendation!), little boy chomped on omelette, bread, baby spinach, cherry tomatoes and dried cranberries (we ran out of fresh fruit, and papaya's rather gross if you stuff it in a bento).

:: The hubby recently watched this and suddenly got obsessed with "West Side Story".  He just came back with the CD by the original cast (even though I had the songs, he insisted it had to be Jose Carreras), and has been singing "Maria" at the top of his voice, while substituting my name inside.  I don't know whether to be pleased or embarrassed.

:: Junior J was born on the 2nd last day of the year of the rat.  We realize he has mouse-like dietary leanings: he likes his veggies and loves cheese to bits.  Nothing brightens up his day like cheese dippers:

Ok, enough rambling now, I bet you are throughly confused if you've managed to reach the end of this post!  Have a blessed week ahead, and do join in if you can for tomorrow's grateful gathering!

Weekend wonderings: Rhythm

Wow, just like that, and the first week of the year has zoomed by!  It has been rather quiet on the blog front as we were busy trying to find some rhythm to our days.  2012 started off busy, and is now slowly falling into a more predictable routine.  We're still adjusting though.  

Junior J just went through a 2 week phase of waking up 6-7 times a night, due to nightmares (so he claims), night terrors, and possibly him trying to get attention from us... that turned us into rather testy, tired parents that were very inclined to flare up at any little thing, but thankfully he's now down to waking up 2-3 times a night.  To ensure he sleeps better, we've been making sure he gets plenty of exercise (usually playground visits and long walks in the park, and visits to various animals that we always meet during our walks) in the mornings and evenings, and have also resorted to climbing the stairs up to our home instead of using the lift.  Good exercise for him, and for us as well!

Playtime has been going on as usual:  

The animals have taken over the dollhouse.  And have been going "furniture shopping",
since everyday there is an additional piece of furniture inside (that seems to be effective
in maintain his interest in the house!).

And while I started off the year with grand plans on what we would be learning this year, I've had to tweak the activities since the boy's attention span seems to have decreased, and he's a lot more fidgety and uncooperative these days.  He is still very happy to potter about the house and engage in his own imaginative play, for which I'm really glad.

Baby J has been more sticky these days, needing to be carried for certain naps.  When he's awake, he's a more serious baby compared to his brother.  While he doesn't smile that often, he sure is one chatty baby, and coos and gurgles at us, especially to his brother...

The first week has been fruitful, and here's to a blessed 2nd week of the year!  We're starting to prepare for Chinese New Year, as well as for Junior J's birthday, so its going to be interesting...

Weekend wonderings: MSG and night wakings

Little boy has never been a good sleeper until some time ago, when we finally managed to get him to sleep on his own in his room (after a period of night-weaning).  For the past few months, there have been some peaceful nights where he would wake once a night, or sometimes none at all, interspersed with some nights where he would wake up a few (or many times!) screaming and crying.  So far, we attributed most of these night-wakings to him falling sick or teething.

However, we also noticed another trend: if we fed the boy outside food, there was an increased likelihood of him waking up at night.  Make it Asian food (especially Chinese restaurants), and the likelihood increases even further.  So we suspected that the consumption of MSG (Monosodium glutamate, or what is sometimes known as Ajinomoto) might be the cause of some of these night wakings.  Initially, I thought it was just paranoia on my part, but we started being very careful about the stuff we fed the boy when we ate out.  I would try to either bring out home-cooked food for the boy when we ate out, or would try to avoid food that had a higher likelihood of containing MSG.  The problem seemed to improve somewhat, and the frequency of nights having the boy wake up 6-8 times a night screaming his head off decreased.

The hubby and I in general seem to also react to MSG as well.  For the hubby, consuming MSG in food makes him thirsty, and sometimes results in him being unable to sleep (which seems to be a known effect of MSG).  I too, get extremely thirsty and start getting headaches after an MSG-laden meal.  So it probably comes as no surprise that the boy too may react to MSG.  Not only does it seem to affect his sleep, it also seems to make him hyper.  Just this weekend, we had sandwiches and soup at a eatery (we assumed MSG was not added to their food, as they sold all the healthy stuff!).  However, hubby and I ended up feeling really thirsty after the meal, and the little boy got extremely hyper (and was so revved up, he couldn't go down for his afternoon nap!).  That day, hubby had to babysit the boy as he bounced off the walls while I took a nap, and henceforth has concluded that yes... we'd better stay far away from MSG in the boy's case if possible!  (He used to say I was paranoid, heh.)

The odd thing is, it seems that most scientific research on the effects of MSG have been inconclusive (click here for a pretty comprehensive discussion on the topic), and most of the evidence has been anecdotal (for example, this parent's sharing on how MSG seemed to trigger off night terrors in her daughter's case).  We've had a close friend who has also observed the same trend, as her daughter would wake up over 6 times a night after eating out at eateries serving Asian food (to the point that she orders sandwiches now when she eats out), so we're not ditching our theory as of yet.  Of course, the grandparents all tell us the boy needs to get his chicken rice and other local yummies, to build up some tolerance to MSG, but then again, they don't have to stay up with the kid while he thrashes around in bed and cries through the entire night!

So I'm curious... do any of your kids experience night wakings, or get really hyper after eating a meal containing MSG?  Do share!

Weekend wonderings: Lessons from flying a kite

Children.  They are always changing.  Growing, learning, and becoming.  And I find that idealistic me has a hard time keeping up with the changes, always hoping things will be "just so".  One day, the boy is the sweet little boy, always obedient.  Then the next, its temper tantrum time.  Or he catches some bug and falls sick, and there's the sleepless nights, the crying, the coaxing to eat the meds.  Then when you think life is back to normal again, he starts to act up when you have guests, or starts having poop problems.  Change really seems to be the only constant, especially with kids...

So I realized that like with all things, I must learn to let go.  While I need to hold on fast to the things that matter (like God and family and friends), like how we hold on tight to the kite string even though the kite is tugging at our hands to fly away...  I must also learn to let loose for the rest, and not sweat the small stuff.  Must let out some string, so that the kite can catch the wind, and soar.  And when I do, I'll be able to truly enjoy the journey that is life, imperfect though it is!

~~~~~~~

Pictures taken during the Kite Festival that was held over the weekend at Marina.  Little boy had a great time flying his kite with his Ah Kong and Ah Ma.  Were you at the festival too?

Weekend wonderings: Constipation's complicated

It has been one crazy weekend.  Wedding anniversary dinner (this was months overdue!) and playdate with a church friend.  The hubby's parents coming down for a visit (they are now staying with us for a week).  Packing for the hubby's overseas trip and settling all those last minute things before the trip.  And to top it all off, the boy's constipation decided to flare up again.

Its been something that has been bothering the boy for the past 2 months or so.  (Warning, gross talk ahead.)  The boy has a habit of pooping once every 2 days, and this has been continuing as the norm and doesn't seem to bother him much, as the poop is pretty soft.  However, recently we've noticed that he's been having some difficulty pooping, and would have many "false alarms" before he actually poops.  On days that the poop is "due", we sometimes have to stay at home the whole day, simply because we'd have to run to the toilet about 10-20 times, and the boy seems to have a phobia of pooping in public toilets.  Most of these trips would see us sitting there hopefully, while he sits there, swings his legs, and tells you "no poo poo", while the "successful" trips see the poop being passed out in bits (hence it takes about 3-4 trips before he can clear his bowels).  It can get rather frustrating, especially if these "false alarms" come when I'm in the midst of cooking (once, it took me ages to get porridge prepared, since I was running to and fro from kitchen and toilet, while trying to peel and chop veggies in 1 minute intervals)... On some rare occasions, the poop never comes and he ends up waking up in the middle of the night, tired, but really uncomfortable and needing to poop.

It got pretty bad on Sunday.  The boy refused to go down for his afternoon nap (I admit I got rather frustrated with him, but in retrospect he might have been really uncomfortable and unable to sleep.), then refused to eat dinner because he was really exhausted.  We had to make numerous trips (at about every 5 minutes!) to the toilet.  No poopoo in sight, just a whole bunch of stained underpants piling up.  This goes on and on for what seems to be forever.  Little boy is tired but can't sleep, starts throwing tantrums and the toilet trips continue.  Finally he manages to poop around 9 pm and all the offending stuff comes out (you can always know when that happens, from the loud cheering in the toilet from us, and a "I will get a sticker!" from the little boy...).

I must admit its been driving us rather nuts.  We suspect that he has the tendency to try to hold in the poop for some strange reason (some days we can see him uncomfortable, but refusing to go to the toilet).  So we've been implementing all the usual remedies: Probiotics, prunes, prune juice, fruits like pear and papaya and other fibre-rich foods, lots of water and even a dose of flax oil every morning.  While he used to love fruits, getting him to eat more fruits now sometimes proves to be a problem as he isn't eating too well in general these days, but usually we manage to get in a decent amount of fibre into his diet (along with veggies and some brown rice).  We've even resorted to lactulose as prescribed by our PD, and have been trying to explain to him the need to push all the stuff out.  He seems to be trying at times (and sometimes it breaks my heart to hear him tell me "I will get stickers when I poopoo", followed by him counting on his fingers how many he will get!)... so hopefully it'll get better!  Meanwhile, any advice, or your experiences battling this would be welcome...

Weekend wonderings: Teething, tummy, (sleep) training trauma, or just terrible twos?

The boy, during one of his cheerful moments this weekend.
These moments are getting rarer!

We have been faced with the challenge of training the boy to sleep on his own, since my preggie back can no longer take sleeping on the mattress on the floor in his room (and I will eventually have to move out anyway, since I will have to nurse number 2).  We started the training about 1.5 weeks back, with us following our usual bedtime routine (stories and milk, prayer and nurse, sing a song), however, instead of me sleeping on a mattress next to his, I would go out.  Since we had already night-weaned him and he was able to fall asleep without me being right next to him, so it went ok for the first few days, with him falling asleep on his own with no protest at all.  He did wake up two or three times each night though, and we would go in to comfort him, while slowly extending the period of time we would wait before going in, and these waking sessions seemed to decrease in frequency (except for a night or two) until there were some nights where he would sleep through (with of course the usual stirring in between, but without requiring us to go in to comfort him).  There were one or two times where he did get upset that I did not stay with him until he fell asleep, but he managed to go back to sleep pretty quickly after some protesting.  Only once did we have a major meltdown, where he screamed and cried and did not let me out of the room, and would run out to pull me back in, but this was during the night when we had our bible study group over and I think the break in usual routine might have contributed to his meltdown.  But after that night (we were wondering if we should stop the training), everything went back to normal, so we thought the sleep-training was going ok.

He's still interested in learning and playing each day,
so we thought the sleep-training was not affecting him negatively.

However, even before the little boy started the sleep training, we noticed that his appetite had gone down the drain for about two weeks or so.  We initially blamed this on a sprouting molar (of which the gum still looks rather red and sore).  He was eating less than before, and would sometimes spit out certain foods (like meat), and there was one night when he woke up about 8 times, screaming and crying (that was before we even started the sleep-training).  Then we thought he had caught a tummy bug as well, since he started throwing up half-way through meals, and having loose stools for a few days.  That started less than a week ago, but seems to have resolved, however, his appetite has been getting worse and worse.

And to top it all off, he's started becoming more and more clingy and difficult, and it has been particularly bad for the past few days, especially this weekend.  So on top of not wanting to eat his meals, he would mess up his food on purpose and insist on having his way for everything.  With the hubby, he's been insisting on being carried all the time (he knows I will not carry him, so he doesn't try his luck with me most of the time).  We thought things were improving on Sunday when he woke up and was extremely co-operative for once with the hubby (I was away at a run), and he was his usual smiley, sweet self all the way to Sunday school... then after that everything changed.  He refused to sit down for lunch after church, then proceeded to knock his head on the table and howl the entire restaurant down.  Then when we went home, he refused to nap, and was so grumpy by dinner time, he threw a tantrum and refused to eat his dinner entirely.  This morning, I had this major tussle with him to get him changed out of his jammies, and got a few kicks in the tummy for my effort.  He later then threw up part of his breakfast, cried and wanted me to carry him when I had to cook his lunch (I had to leave him screaming on the sofa after reasoning with him failed), and it took quite alot of coaxing before he finished his lunch.  Its as if we took the wrong kid back from Sunday school yesterday.

I guess we've been blessed because Junior J has been quite mild-tempered and good-natured, and his terrible twos seemed to be quite manageable previously.  Now I wonder what happened to that dear little boy of mine.  Could the terrible appetite be still due to the molar?  (It has erupted 90%, and the boy seems to be ok chewing now.)  Then what about the recent bad behaviour?  I was initially worried that it was due to the sleep-training, but the problems started a week into sleep training, and for the few days at the start of the training he was more or less his usual sweet self.  Or perhaps the boy has not really hit the terrible twos yet, and is now experiencing it in full force?

Have any of you tried training your toddler to sleep on their own?  How did it go?   And did the eruption of molars cause any of your kids to really lose their appetite for a few weeks?  Meanwhile, I guess we can only wonder (but we are going to bring him to see a dentist, to be on the safe side), and pray for patience and wisdom to ride out this hopefully passing phase.  Parenting sure is challenging!

Weekend wonderings: Lessons my mother taught me

My mother and I have never got along.  Perhaps its due to our very differing personalities.  She, for one, is a pragmatic, efficient and practical person (To her, buying flowers is a waste of money as they don't last.  Anything purchased for the home must have a practical use, since paintings on the walls just mean more dusting.  Cleanliness is king.), while I tend to be idealistic and quite her anti-thesis (all my crafting, and love for pretty things, along with our overstuffed bookshelves simply makes her aghast, while I roll my eyes at her for wanting to pack her storeroom for perhaps the 100th time in a year).  We have opposite viewpoints on many things, and I must admit many a times, we do come to loggerheads over this and that.

However, though we are poles apart, I do appreciate how she has taken care of me and my brother all these years, quitting her job and making all those sacrifices to bring us up.  I guess one does not really understand how much time and self one has to give up for the sake of your children, until you actually become a parent yourself.  And along the way, I have learnt from her that:

:: The language of love can be a be a hard one to understand, but it can be learnt:
For mum, she was never the demonstrative type, and she wasn't the type to give you a hug, or praise you.  Often or not, good results would be questioned with a "but how did your friends do?".  She is quick to label Junior J as "lazy" if he doesn't want to try new learning activities.  But I've realized that she shows her care and concern through other means.  Like making sure that you have a decent breakfast before school, and trying to buy your favourite foods for lunch.  Or how she cuts Junior J's hair when it gets too long, or boils soup for him to drink, and buys pyjamas for him when he outgrows his old ones.

:: It is the little consistent acts of devotion that make the largest difference:
Mum took the time to ensure that my dad and us were all comfortable.  She was the one who took it upon herself to do all the chores (to the detriment of her health sometimes), and ensured that we always had home-cooked meals.  While she wasn't the type that would sit with us to read a book (she usually had her hands full running her household), or chat with us about our hopes and dreams, she was consistent in caring for us in the way she best knew how, taking care of our physical needs.  I guess even though it was hard to chat with her, it was always nice knowing she would be at home, there, stable and strong, when I came home from a long day at school.

:: Mothers are strong, because we need to be for our family's sake:
No matter what, she kept going.  She perservered on through the events that messed up our family... hung in there and kept at the housework even when she was sick.  And for this, she has my admiration.

We fight, we quarrel.  We hardly see eye to eye.  But she is still one woman that I do respect and love, and I really thank her for all that she has done for me.

And to all mothers out there... Happy belated Mother's Day.  Hope you had a blessed one!

Weekend wonderings: New year, new hopes

Lantana, photographed at the entrance to Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve

The new year sorta crept in on us.  Or at least it feels that way.  While others are all ready and geared up to face a brand new year with their resolutions penned... I seem to be spending the first week of 2011 finishing up stuff that I didn't complete in 2010, like scrap assignments, more spring cleaning, and of course, that dissertation.  So I'm going to "start" 2011 a week later, and use this week to clear up those things I've mentioned, while taking time to set goals.  Simple Mom had this list of questions to think through, which I though was pretty good for working through at the beginning of each year, so I'm going to use that. :)  Me and my sup have planned for the dissertation to be submitted for examination on the 10th (i.e., next Mon), so I'm working towards that and really looking forward to be done!

Anyway, we spent the new year pretty quietly.  New year's eve was spent having dinner with our DG at one of our DG mate's place, but we had to leave early for Junior J's bedtime.  The boy had fun playing with the rest and even tried out the rocking "goat" (it was those antique versions of a rocking horse)... however, he started coughing halfway through and we had to give him ventolin at home to make him more comfy.

New year's day was spent at home, just hanging out (while I also tried to squeeze in some time to write that dissertation).  One new development we discovered was that the little boy can now push the 4 carriages of his train together, and move it up and down the bridge and through the tunnel, and he is no longer so interested in taking apart the tracks (which he used to do, while saying "Uhoh!").

There was no regular church service on Sunday, so we met up with little S and her parents at Sungei Buloh for a morning walk.  Thankfully it was cloudy, and the kids got to see quite a few animals/insects... lots of egrets and plovers foraging, as well as these:

The first insect spotted: a katydid, resting on the side of the railing of the bridge. :)

Along the way in, we met Mr Monitor, who brazenly ignored us, even though we approached him pretty closely

We spotted tree-climbing crabs too, lots of mud lobster mounds, as well as this giant mudskipper... :)

We did get some bites even with after slathering on the repellant, but I think the kids had fun...

Then we headed for lunch at Marsiling Lane, and had bak kut teh (you know the Klang version, which is not the usual peppery type but the herbal type?  We love it!).  There was an egret walking around outside the coffeeshop, which got the two kids pretty excited!  

Hubby and I brought Junior J to Thomson Plaza at night for some grocery shopping, and had dinner over at Jonker's Nonya Cafe (the Nonya food is pretty good, and way cheaper than those Nonya restuarants).  I had the assam laksa, and hubby let the boy try some of the soup, and we let the boy take a few small sips of the chendol (the laksa was pretty decent for Singapore standards, but the chendol wasn't fantastic, so save the calories for the Melaka version).  Turned out to be a bad move, as we think the laksa might have triggered off another wheezing "attack" for the boy (according to hubby, the Chinese believe there is something inside the soup that worsens asthma, but I think he forgot at that point in time).  

He started coughing much later after dinner, and it got so bad he started wheezing. :(  So it was ventolin syrup for him, but that didn't seem to clear up the wheeze so we had to bring him to KKH A&E late that night.  The boy ended up having to use an inhaler, but attached to a spacer (this chamber that you puff the meds into) as he was younger... Poor fellow was crying and pretty scared, but in between would echo us and tremulously say "good boy!" It broke my heart to see him that way. :(  We tried to give him the other meds as well, and he tried eating it, but it tasted so bad that he gagged and threw up.  We were stuck in the A&E til past midnight, so the boy really went bonkers at the end, but he fell asleep in the car on the way home.

The chronic cough and wheezing attacks have really impacted us in many ways, since many things seem to trigger off his cough: the dog, dust, perhaps the consumption of some foods.  We've had to make many lifestyle changes: We either thrown/sold our carpets, we're vacuuming more frequently, we vacuum the mattresses and the sofa, we're currently spring-cleaning to clear the house of unnecessary stuff.  We've cleared away many of the boy's soft toys, and are intending to give away more of them, and are now getting the boy more wooden toys instead.  My parents are now taking care of Nicky, and my in-laws will be coming down during CNY and will be adopting the doggy, since we really want the dog to go to a good home.  We consciously try to avoid places that trigger off his cough (places with furniture fumes, like Ikea, some apparel shops that are dusty like the Levi's store, any stores selling soft toys).  

I guess I'm not complaining (even though I do miss the dog), since some of these changes are for the better (a cleaner home is always welcome I guess!), and I know this is minor, compared to other parents who have children that are battling sicknesses that are way more severe and serious.  That being said, my heart still does ache every time I see the boy wheezing or in discomfort.  Hopefully it will pass when he grows older and his airways grow bigger, then perhaps we can bring Nicky home again.  So far, the boy does ask and peer under the bed to look for Nicky, but I don't think he's that attached to the dog yet, so its good.      

Ok, enough rambling... here's to 2011.  Many changes, many hopes.  A year when I'll be done with my studies (YAY!) and can focus on other things... This is late, but happy new year everyone!  God bless!

PS: Crate Paper featured my photo tray among other projects, in their first post for 2011... Yay! :)

Weekend wonderings: Darn that dissertation!

What I'm trying to do.  (Poster, from Keep calm and carry on)

My dissertation has met with numerous bumps ever since I started.  I had contacted my supervisor in June last year, as I intended to start my project early to buy me more time.  I had to apply for a permit to catch some of the crabs, and I dutifully filled in the paperwork in early July 09... but the permit never surfaced until Jan this year!  I then started catching the crabs and using the experimental setup I had (which I had to lug up and down to my research site), only to find out, after a few weeks in the hot sun, that the experiments were not working, and the crabs were just not behaving themselves (or at least in the way I had hoped them to be).  But that's just the nature of animal research I guess!  This was followed by a whole slew of email correspondence and meetings for me to re-think up another topic for research.  Thankfully, I managed to work out another topic with my sup, and went about on my behavioural studies, and managed to get all my data by June.

Then came the tedious viewing of hours and hours of videos (and not of the "Desperate Housewives" variety, though it did involve watching alot of "flirting" and courtship!) and the slow, painful process of writing.  My initial deadline for submission of my dissertation for examination was the 15th of Sept, however, just this weekend I'm told that with how things are going, I will need to extend my deadline (and pay another semester's worth of fees because of that!).  Apparently, it takes 4-5 months for the writing process, and that's for those who have NO children to take care of. 

After reading that email, I really felt like throwing in the towel, and just giving up.  After all, if you think about it, I've no need for that extra qualification, and that cert doesn't help me to cook better meals, or be a better parent!  I signed up for my studies with the intent of improving my knowledge of content so that I could teach better, as I was still teaching then.  Then Junior J came along, turned my whole life upside down, and my priorities changed.  I still stayed on for the interest in the subject, and I must say I've learnt ALOT from the courses I've attended, and I've gained quite a bit from the research process.  But something must give, and all this research work has meant I have to sacrifice time and energy, and others like Junior J and the hubby would be invariably affected.  

So now with me having to fork out more school fees, I'm tempted to just give the data to someone else to use, burn up all my journals and make a run for it.  Seriously.  The only reason that I'm still working on my paper starts with the letter "A", and its not advancement (The degree doesn't entail me a raise in homemaker status anyway!), neither is it achievement.  Its accountability.  I feel I'm still accountable to God for doing a good job in what I put my hand to, and to do things to completion if I can.  I'm accountable to my mum, the hubby, to the little boy for all the time they've sacrificed so that I could write my paper.  I'm accountable to my sup, for the time she did invest in guiding me.  But I do admit, I have been feeling pretty frustrated.

Thus, I will still plod on.  BUT!  Its no longer going to take up my time with family.  I'm no longer going to ask the hubby to babysit the boy after dinner so that I could read one more journal, or type another paragraph.  I'm just going to work on correcting it at night when I do have the time (I've already finished my first draft of all the parts), and I'm not going to bother with it during the weekends.  And I'm not going to let this frustrate me any longer.  Oh, and when all this is done, I'm going to Jumbo Seafood, and will go take my revenge on those crustaceans.  Those that I study are way too small to eat, so I'll just take my wrath out on another species: Chillicious crabeus delicious.  

PS:  We had an uneventful weekend, since I had that bad cough, and the hubby was on call again (imagine, the poor man has 3 consecutive weekend calls, which means he'll be at work 21 days in a row!).  We did manage to pop by a warehouse sale to get some cabin luggage, as well as a jacket for the hubby (who lost his previous one).   Like all sales, the place was crawling with bargain hunters once the place opened, so we ended up parking in one of the lots at nearby building (there was quite a few lots, and there was no "no parking" sign), only to come back after shopping and find that they had locked the gate!

Our baggage inspector.  He approves of the bright cheery colours, that's for sure!

Hope everyone has a great week... and teachers, enjoy the well deserved school hols!  (Though I think most of it will be spent marking and preparing lessons!)

Weekend wonderings: God's promises are true

Rainbows: A reminder of God's promises!

Picture taken in South Island, New Zealand

Dearest little boy,
I thought I'd just write today, instead of listing down our usual weekend activities.  The week that has passed was a challenging one, since both you and I fell sick a second time, and Papa was still overseas.  I ended up having to bring you to see the PD on Friday while running a fever myself, and she gave you antibiotics (and you are still giving us a hard time when we try to feed them to you), and suctioned your nose, during which you proceeded to scream the clinic down.  She checked your belly, which has been starting to poke out quite abit (though you still have skinny ribs!), and said that your spleen may be a little big.  That, plus your discomfort from your sinusitis (which makes you wake up at night and cry) makes my heart ache.  I guess every mum knows that achey feeling that comes, when you feel so bad seeing your child in discomfort or pain.  That, to me, is a tiny, blur reflection of how God might have felt to see his Son hanging on the cross, and I give thanks to Him for both the gift of His Son, and for little you.  Meanwhile, we are trying our best to trust that God will take care of you, and hope that the big belly isn't anything serious.

Ah Kong and Ah Ma came on Friday, and you were most happy to see them.  You had a great weekend playing with them, and I think you really light up their life.  They gave you a polar bear bag, among other things, and you really look most funny when you are toddling around with the big white bear stuck behind you!

Papa came back on Sunday night, but you were already asleep.  You've been nodding vigorously throughout the whole week whenever I ask you if you miss your papa, and you were delighted when you woke up on Monday to see the only person in the house that has enough strength to throw you up in the air. :)  Papa's homecoming was a little marred, since he dropped his iPhone in the taxi on the way home from the airport and no news of it has been heard since, and he also could not find the key to his luggage (so mama can't wash all his dirty clothes!).  However, we are thankful that God kept him safe all through the trip, and brought him home to us.  And we are also reminded that we should love people, not  things, and to remember that though bad things may happen, we can always trust that God is always in control.

Right now, you are snuggled up with Papa and fast asleep, and I just wanted to say I love you, once again.  Even though you keep spitting your antibiotics out.

Goodnight and sweet dreams,
Your mama.

Weekend wa(o)nderings: Being busy (& distracted?)

View from the car, on a rainy weekend night.  Snapped with the iPhone. 

Eeeek!  Its Tuesday already.  Where has all the time gone?   We had a busy (and rather rainy) weekend, which for me consisted of mainly typing that dissertation of mine, while the hubby very nicely hung out with the little boy.  I did manage to get a break from the computer and we had korean food for dinner one night, plus we joined our DG to celebrate D's (Junior J's godpa) birthday.  :)  The hubby also spent the whole of Sunday helping out at a friend's wedding as one of the brothers (and had to eat ALOT of wasabi and sambal chilli as part of the "torture").  This week's going to be spent just rushing my research, hopefully most of it will be done by the end of the week.

Speaking of research, and to make up for the dearth of pictures, here's some food for thought:

Courtesy of The New York Times (click to view larger)

The above graph shows the number of words spoken by a parent to their child (an indicator of the quality of a child's language environment) in 6 households, when smartphones and computers were switched on (lighter grey bars), and when they were switched off (darker grey bars).  In 4 out of 6 of the households, the number of words showed a significant jump when technology was not intruding.

This graph was an accompaniment to this article in the New York Times: The risks of parenting while plugged in, which discusses the effect of parents staying constantly connected through technology on their children.  I know I've been guilty of sms-ing or surfing the net sometimes while looking after the boy as he plays, but we do try to stick to a no-phone rule for meals at the table.  I guess technology really is a double-edged sword:  It allows parents to work from home, and to obtain all sorts of information useful for bringing up kids... but it also may become a hindrance too, taking away some of the attention we should be giving to the kids.  

Any thoughts?

Weekend wonderings: Papa Power!

He doesn't mind hanging out with you when all you can do is gurgle or cry (or poo)...

He's always supporting you, and making sure you stand firm (while pointing out trains along the way)...

He doesn't hesitate to give you a big bear hug everyday.  Especially when you're cold...

... And when you were smaller, you'd sleep extra soundly when you were sleeping on his chest...

He's the only one that can manage both you and the frisky dog together, when out for a walk!

He's tough, and carries you for hours without complaint (even though his back was aching!)...

And strong enough (and the only one with enough guts!) to throw you up in the air, whether you are Superboy...

... or not!

He gives you superhero powers of flight...

... or Spiderman's ability to hang upside down (No Mary Jane kisses though!).

And most of all... His love for you gives us a small reflection of how big and great and wonderful God's love is for His children.

Thank God for fathers! :)

Weekend wonderings: Opposites attract?

Colourful or neutral?  Fragile or tough?

(Flowers blooming among the pebbled shore of Lake Tekapo, NZ)

Do you ever believe in the saying “Opposites attract”?  I do.  Or perhaps if I might rephrase it, I would say “Opposites complement each other”, or something along those lines.  For example, I am obsessive when it comes to schedules, and like to make all my appointments way ahead of schedule.  When my schedule is disrupted for whatever reason, I tend to really freak out, and behave like a male crab without its burrow (ie wander aimlessly, be really jittery, and pick fights with others).  The dear hubby is the exact opposite.  Spontaneous and always ready to go out for a meal should anyone call him, he tends to forget to key in his appointments into his phone, and would then suddenly remember he has this or that to attend only the day before.  So you can imagine how much freaking out I’ve done since we’ve been married, or how often he shakes his head at my rigidity and inflexibility!

Take this weekend for an example.  The hubby’s friend was getting married on Saturday, but the friend who was supposed to pass him the wedding invite had lost it.  He was still clueless about the wedding venue come Saturday morning, and I only had a vague impression that it was supposed to be at 1100 hrs in the morning (since that was what he keyed into his schedule).  At 1000 hrs, he suddenly reads his smses, and tells me something like “The wedding starts at 1030!  Please hurry up or we’ll be late!”.  That was while we were still feeding a little boy all covered in Cheerio muck, and were still dressed in grungy clothes meant never to see the light of day.  So I got the hubby to bathe the little boy and managed to packthediaperbagwithsnacksandtoysgetmyselfandJuniorJready… all without freaking out. And we got out of the house in 15 minutes flat (ok, granted, I was strapping my shoes on in the lift, sans makeup… but hey, at least my dress wasn’t wrinkly and my heels matched my dress!), so even the hubby was impressed!

I guess being opposites in various ways does help to build us both up, and I think we complement each other in many ways...  I’ve learnt how to be more flexible and easygoing thanks to the hubby… and he’s learning how to be more structured with his schedule and more organized.  J

What do you think?  Do opposites attract, or do they “attack”?

PS: We had a busy weekend!  We photographed a birthday party, and met up with friends to pass them their wedding photos, read alot of Mother Goose (at the boy's request)... And fell sick again.  Which explains the lack of photos, since its hard to snap while you're sniffling!  Hope everyone had a great weekend!